I’m forgetting what it feels like to connect with someone

Like really connect

I feel like I’ve been playing pretend

Pretending we belong together

That we understand each other

But you’re a stranger

And a moody one at that

When I’m lying naked next to you and you choose to be moody instead of exploring me, I have to wonder…is it over?

I don’t want it to be

But this is not what I wanted

Am I a coward for wanting to keep trying?

For hoping it will magically get better?

We go in waves

But we have more downs than ups

Am I willing to be okay with this?

When is it enough?

You say everyone has problems

But is everyone this unhappy?

I’m trying because I want us to work, I want our little family together

And also, I’m scared

I’m scared of the unknown

I’m scared of shared custody

I’m scared of my dreams coming to a halt

I’m scared of dying alone

But I’m getting braver

With each time

Each argument

Each disappointment

Each disconnect

I’m starting to see a future without me and you

I’m starting to feel less scared of it

I’m starting to be okay without you

I’m starting to feel like I could be better off on my own

And that should scare you

About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

2 responses to “Disconnect

  • Crystal Empath

    Oh dear lady, I wish he could read this and feel the depth of feelings attached to it and that it was able to reach him and open both your hearts. Often times after a baby comes along things can be like this…sometimes it was just a catalyst. You have endured so much in your past and have so much love to give…I wish you all you need. I’m rooting for you both & you little family. I’m sorry you are hurting so much right now💗

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