Divorce is not for sissies

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It amazes me how much it still hurts

I dreamed of her last night

I dreamed that we were traveling somewhere together and in every interaction we had, it was evident that she had missed me immensely

I was racked with guilt over having left her

But mostly, I was sad

I was sad because, even in my dream, I knew in my heart that I had good reasons for leaving

I was sad because it was painful to have caused someone such pain

I was sad because I loved her

My would be 16th wedding anniversary is coming up at the end of the month

I have no idea what she’s been up to the past (almost) 3 years, but I still ache when I think about her

I wish with all my heart our story had ended differently

I know all the reasons why

I know that I did what I felt was necessary

I know that I’m happier now

But it’s still painful

There is a piece of me that will always be missing in the form of her

No matter what, she was and always will be my first love

I grieve our passing

It was a beautiful love story

One that I can never forget

Nor will I ever want to

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

3 responses to “Divorce is not for sissies

  • fyidivorce

    I have a difficult time thinking of divorce as a love story. The love story came to a bitter end for me once divorce reared its ugly head, necessary but ugly nonetheless.

  • Crystal Empath

    I can relate to your words all too well. I truly feel your pain; despite the mixture of guilt and necessary relief your ultimate choices made.
    I try to focus on all that I learnt from the entire journey. The good, the bad and the seemingly ugly. I know it brought me closer to the self love I have learned to feel today…
    I’m not sure if time ever truly heals anything, but I’d like to think so. And, I think it’s absolutely wonderful that you allow yourself wholeheartedly to feel all you do. That is one of the greatest acts of self love there is.
    Love is love, whether it be with someone lying next to you or someone far away, that is no longer present physically in your corner of the world, or as all ties have intentionally been severed. I believe we each have the capacity for loving many. This love may be different in many ways, but no one love is comparable in truth. It may even appear to vary in it’s intensity.
    Love is energy, in it’s purest form, and cannot truly be lost, it exists by our own willingness to connect to it and ourselves. I believe when hearts call out to each other, they are truly connected and despite any possible separation are never truly apart. It is necessary for some individuals to be apart from others, due to our individual, and often combined human conditioning and how we see the reality we each perceive…loving from a distance with some people is, more often than not, the greatest act of love and kindness, than staying with them can ever be. It is an act of love for oneself, the other person and often for many other beings that interact with you both.
    My wish for you is that eventually you will come to see your first love as being nothing but happy, and full
    of love, each time she crosses your mind. For in this state, she will have forgiven all concerned…including herself. And that, is true healing.
    Please always remain open hearted…it’s what makes you the beautiful soul you are. I wish you much peace dear one. 🙏🏻❤️

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