Because sometimes you just need someone

Image result for sad hugging images

Grief can feel so isolating

I sat and struggled on my own, then finally willed myself to call him

He didn’t answer and I could not gather up the momentum to leave a message

After all, what would I say, “Hi, I’m feeling sad. Just thought you should know”?

I turned on a movie and tried to force the lump of constipated emotion in my throat to move

I didn’t care if it moved in or out, it just needed to stop suffocating me

But it barely budged

After several hours of feeling deeply alone, I made another feeble attempt at getting support

I texted him, “Hi”

At first he was blissfully unaware of the mental state I was in, but eventually he got the picture

I think my statement to him that I was “feeling sad” and then subsequently crying on the phone, tipped him off

I was unable to tell him what I needed

Grief had taken over my larynx

I just cried

And somehow he figured it out

“I’m coming over,” is all he said

He came and held me while I cried and cried

I said nothing but quiet sniffles and low sobs

He used words like “you’re going to be okay” , “breathe”, “I’m here” and “just let it out”

Even in my sorrow, I recognized those phrases

They were things I’ve said to him before

Eventually I was able to say, “It still hurts so much” and “It breaks my heart every time”

That’s all the explanation I could give

I knew he knew what I meant

I let out enough grief to subside the pressure, afraid that if I let it all out, I wouldn’t be able to function for a long time

I felt relief and that was enough

It still surprises me how much pain I carry daily

In a way I’m proud of myself

I’m proud that I chose not to isolate, even though my mind was screaming at me that I was on my own

I reached out, as difficult and weak as my attempts were, I tried

And because I did, I didn’t have to cry alone

 

 

Related posts:

https://samlobos.wordpress.com/2016/05/18/sometimes-breathing-is-hard/

https://samlobos.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/my-journey-this-far/

 

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

4 responses to “Because sometimes you just need someone

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