There’s no hurry

Image result for Women in a Forest

Sometimes I wonder if I ever want to get married again

A byproduct of getting divorced and then getting my heart broken (by a different person) semi-soon after, is that I can no longer wander into a relationship blindly

I can’t just fall head over heels and then “worry about the rest later”

That doesn’t work for me anymore

I feel like it is both a blessing and a curse

On the bright side, I won’t have to worry about waking up 13 years later only to realize nothing is really going to change and that I’m severely unhappy

On the negative side, I don’t know if I’ll ever be willing to share my space with anyone else again

Being single and self-sufficient has made me incredibly selfish

I really love having a whole apartment all to myself without having to accommodate anyone else’s “stuff”

I love hogging the whole bed and watching whatever I want when I want and doing exactly as I please because no one can tell me otherwise

I’ve never been good at being told what to do

I love being in charge of MY money and spending or saving it however I deem acceptable

But the thing that really makes me hesitate about wanting to share my life with someone else again, is that I don’t know if I want to deal with the tension and annoyance that inevitably enters into every relationship at some point

As things stand, I don’t have to be around Mr. Artist if I’m tired or annoyed or mad

Even better, when I find him annoying or maddening, I don’t have to deal with him being around my space and that dreadful tension when things aren’t right and you avoid each other like strangers

I HATE that tension

I can recall that feeling with such clear precision and it makes my stomach drop

Truth be told, I find him annoying often

More so when I’m tired

The main reason is because he is very silly and well, I’m just not a silly person

In fact, sometimes I feel like I leave work dealing with a bunch of ADHD boys and then I end up going out with a grown up version of one

It can be exhausting

It makes me wonder if I really want to sign up for that for the rest of my life

Okay I have to admit, he has gotten better, but silly is in his nature

I don’t think it’s really fair for me to ask him to stifle it because I think it’s annoying in doses other than small

Maybe I’m a grump

Or maybe I’m scared

I don’t know, it could be both or neither

But what I’m certain of is this:

I’m just not ready yet

And that’s okay

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

7 responses to “There’s no hurry

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: