Frailty

Image result for grief images

My psyche is fragile

Between murder, divorce, and suicide, I don’t know how much more my heart can take

Suicide is the freshest

It’s been four weeks

I don’t like to talk about it

I’ve been stuffing it in and when I do let some out, I’m out for a whole day with exhaustion

I have a therapy appointment tomorrow

I tried to get a sooner appointment, but there was none

I’ve been waiting to let it all go there, in the safe confines of those four walls

I don’t know what shape I’ll be in afterwards

I’m a little afraid

For the past three days, I’ve been having dreams that I’m being chased

I try with all my might to get away, but no matter how much I struggle, I move like I’m in slow motion

I’ve been waking up exhausted

I know it’s from stress

It’s the trauma reminding me that no matter how hard I try, I cannot run away from it

My body aches with grief

I want to push it away

Pretend it’s not there

Because the moment I acknowledge it, the tears start flowing

And I don’t know how many tears I have left

I don’t know how much more my heart can take

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

7 responses to “Frailty

  • klaradoxa

    it’s hard to read this and react with a “like”. therapy is a very good idea, at least you can let it out and start the healing. virtual compassion and hugs from a stranger flying your way! xoxo

  • survivednarc

    I understand! I have been feeling this way sort of the past 2 years; like my heart can NOT take any more grief, I mean none, whatsoever… it is a frightening thought.
    But apparently, we humans are much “tougher” than we think? I mean we feel like we are falling apart and we can’t take it, but then in some strange way, we rise again… it is so very strange..

    Go easy on yourself, take care of yourself, let the grief be with you and know you are stronger than it, in the end… many many hugs!! 🌹🌹💙💙 your bloggies are here for you, beautiful friend.

  • Michelle

    My sweet friend… my heart breaks for you.

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