Scab

I made time on Sunday to mourn for today, what would have been my 15th marriage anniversary

I said my grief out loud, verbally listing specifics that I miss about her and the life we had shared

Even as I focused on what I’ve lost and what I miss, thoughts counteracting the sadness of those voids made their way forward, challenging my grief

I pushed those thoughts away, telling them that this was my time to mourn, but they were persistent

Finally, I allowed myself to focus on how I didn’t miss taking care everything and constantly worrying about her, especially carrying the weight of that burden wherever I went

As much as I miss of that life, there is an equal amount of what I don’t miss

This doesn’t mean that it hurts any less or that the love I felt and still feel for her is diminished, it just means that I’m healing

The shift in my perspective is evidence of that

I feel like I’m no longer a walking wound, vulnerable to each and every reminder of the love and life I no longer have

I’m more like a scab, still vulnerable, but recovering with each day

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

6 responses to “Scab

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