Slow and steady wins the race

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I feel restless

I had a therapy session yesterday and it cleared up some stuff for me

It also brought up a lot of emotion

I have to separate my grief from my depression

My therapist said that the grief is okay to feel and process, but because I am prone to depression, my depression clings onto anything negative and twists it so that I start to feel excessively guilty and worried about my ex, which is unhealthy for me

It makes a lot of sense

I have to keep fighting the lies depression likes to tell in order to keep me stuck

I am so sensitive right now, I could cry for almost anything

The election doesn’t help

My stomach churns every time I think about the results

Still, I have a lot to be grateful for

Especially Mr. Artist

I haven’t been writing so much about what life is like with him mostly because I’m just enjoying it and also because I don’t want to sound all braggy that I have this wonderful guy who worships me and will do almost anything for me

Plus, I’ve been struggling with writing in general

But he really is wonderful

He tells me how much he loves me daily

When he’s wrong, he admits it and apologizes

He’s even gone to a club and danced with me to hip hop music, even though he hates it and doesn’t recall the last time he actually danced (he said he actually enjoyed dancing with me. He said, “Having a beautiful face and sexy moving body in front of me helped motivate me”)

He calls me his future wife and talks about how he wants to get financially stable so as to provide for me and our future children

And he’s also going to therapy, largely because I motivated him to do so

On top of all of this and more, he holds me when I cry

He knows that I’m grieving a loss

Many losses actually, but specifically one huge loss

Any lesser man would probably have ditched my ass a long time ago with the amount of time I spend crying and talking about my ex-wife and my former life with her

Even though I was upfront with him in the beginning and he knew what he was getting into, I’m sure it is still very hard to be on the other side of my grieving process

My friend and co-worker John half jokes to me that even in the best of circumstances, I’d be tough to be in a romantic relationship with

I wholeheartedly agree

But Mr. Artist insists that I’m worth it

He’s melts me that way

I may not always let him in on my thoughts and sometimes I may be confusing to him, but he has my heart and complete devotion

I don’t want any other person

I’ve noticed that when we are out together and I’m dressed up, I attract more male (and sometimes female) attention than when I was single and dressed up

Maybe it’s in my head or maybe it’s a real phenomenon, but regardless, when I notice younger, more attractive guys looking my way, I still prefer Mr. Artist any day

I figure I know what those guys are like and it would be a huge downgrade from being with Mr. Artist

I have a man that treats me incredibly good and strives to please me in every way possible (and trust me, he does šŸ˜‰ ) Why in the world would I ever want to give that up?

I have told Mr. Artist that I don’t ever get hit on by guys when I’m out at clubs, no matter what I look like, so naturally the one night I’m out at a club with him, a guy tried to flirt with me

I was walking down some stairs coming from the bathroom to the outside patio, drenched in sweat from being in the crowded and hot dance floor, when a young, decent looking (some girls might have thought he was hot) guy noticed me about to pass him so he asked me “if the flower in my hair smelled nice” as he leaned in to smell it

Mr. Artist was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs and watching, so I told the guy without looking at him that “it probably smells like sweat” and kept walking. The guy took the hint and said, “You’re right.”

I didn’t care if I grossed the guy out

My eyes were glued to my love

Mr. Artist said that he thought my sweat was “hot”

One more reason I love him

Sometimes life is weird

I’m not always clear on how I got here or where things will end up, but I know that as odd and painful as this ride has been, I don’t regret getting on it

And maybe, just maybe, that is a sign of my slow, but impending healing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

4 responses to “Slow and steady wins the race

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