Forcing perspective

I haven’t had much time or energy to write

It’s been a stressful two weeks and this week especially has been difficult

It really has a lot to do with work and how I’m in between two rigid entities who have conflicting interests

It’s hard to do your job when someone’s bound to not be happy, regardless

I’ve been trying to manage the stress but I broke a little this week

Being predisposed to depression does not help

Today I felt as attractive as a walrus

Feeling bloated and achy because of my period did not help

My usual slightly inflated sense of self-esteem was nowhere to be found today

I dressed a little nicer and put make up on in an effort to help myself fake it until it passed

About two days ago, Mr. Artist was over and while I wanted to have sex with him, I just couldn’t get in the mood

I had cried about work earlier and was still feeling disturbed

He started kissing me and touching the usual spots I like, but my mind was just swirling around with thoughts that I couldn’t pin down

He noticed I wasn’t responding, so he stopped and just held me

I didn’t even realize that was what I needed

The next evening, I was feeling a little better, but we didn’t do anything because it got too late and I wake up so God forsaken early for work, so we put a pin in it

Then yesterday, I isolated myself the whole day because that’s how I rejuvenate, and then I saw him in the evening

I was very frisky and wanted him like a kid wants ice cream on a hot day

He, however, had over indulged himself on the food he had made with his brother and was dying of indigestion

So there I was, practically all over him, and he just wasn’t in the mood

And even though it was not personal and had nothing to do with me, it felt like rejection

So maybe that’s another contributing factor as to why I felt as attractive as a whiskery blob of blubber today

Plus, to top it all off, I got my lovely period, so that means no sex for the next 5 days

(Before you tell me I can still have sex while on my period, I’ll explain that I know about the shower, condoms and tampons, all to which I say, doesn’t work for me. I don’t want anyone near the little lady while she’s achy and bloody, plus I don’t get off through intercourse. Aaaand, I sure as hell am not using tampons because toxic blood syndrome, just sayin’…)

Anyway, I had to practice the art of gratitude today because I was an inch away from having a full on pity party with hats and balloons

I forced myself to focus on all the blessings I’ve been given and I prayed because when I’m feeling crazy, praying grounds me

It mostly worked

I still felt like a walrus, but like a less anxious one

By the time Mr. Artist came to pick me up for a movie, I was feeling less sea mammally

He, of course, told me I looked beautiful right away

And even though I don’t need him to tell me that, it’s nice to hear it anyway

We’ve both been on edge lately and we are trying not to let it affect “us” as a unit

I know I’ve been trying very hard no to take my stress from work out on him

He’s going through his own stuff, which he doesn’t know I notice until I tell him I do

And right when I wonder if we have what it takes to make it as a couple, he says something so utterly sweet and profound that I melt in ways I didn’t know I could

That’s where I’m at right now

And you know what, it’s not so bad

I just need some fresh perspective every once in awhile

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

6 responses to “Forcing perspective

  • Mouse

    OMg!!! Hear you on the period-sex (or lack of), totally! (I have no idea what she was talking about in 50 Shades. Just… um, no.) And, sorry, but this: “Today I felt as attractive as a walrus” made me burst out laughing. Sorry, I do feel bad for you, really feel your pain. But that sentence was just too funny! You’re an excellent writer, Sam! 🙂 Hugs, honey.

    • samlobos

      Haha! I’m glad you get my sense of humor! Even though I really did feel that way, I thought it was funny too. I didn’t read 50 Shades of Grey, but I’m glad you understand. I don’t know about other women but bleeding out my vajay jay is an automatic mood killer for me. Thank you for making me smile.😊 hugs back💙

  • Fred Colton

    Ahhh period sex. I prefer it. Maybe TMI… no actually not. This is Sam’s blog; it’s cool!

    • samlobos

      Lol!!! It’s true, there’s no such thing as TMI on here. 😁 I know that most guys don’t care, they just want sex, but luckily my guy is cool with waiting. And even if he wasn’t, it wouldn’t happen anyway because it’s me and I do what I want.

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