On Attachment


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Oh attachment issues,

how I hate when you rear your ugly head

I’m not a particularly insecure person

Generally I’m an “I don’t give a fuck” person

Sometimes I can even be a little cocky

But every now and then I get insecure

And my attachment issues go haywire

Like recently, for instance

I had been feeling insecure about my relationship with Mr. Artist

Specifically, I found myself wondering if he will get tired or bored of me like he has of many other women

You see, Mr Artist has been a perpetual bachelor for 21 years (I’m just counting from when he was 20. Prior to that doesn’t count)

His longest relationship was 3 years, with his first (and only love, until me) when he was 23

Every other relationship he’s had has been short lived and largely superficial

So I wondered what made me different?

Why did I stand out to him?

Why would he drastically change his mind on not wanting a serious relationship or having kids to wanting to marry me and composing a list of attributes he wants our future children to have?

For the record, he’s done nothing to warrant me being even minutely insecure about his feelings for me

Quite the opposite, in fact

He tells and shows me daily just how much in love with me he is

So what was my problem?

Well, that would be my fucking childhood shit, that’s what

Because love was inconsistent growing up

One minute I was loved and adored

The next I was neglected and inconvenient

That’s how you get fucked up attachment issues as an adult

You never feel like you can completely trust another’s word or sentiments because it might be retracted at any time

So I told Mr Artist because we were talking and one thing lead to another and I felt I should share my  thoughts with him

This is how he replied:

“Are you kidding me? How could I get bored with you?? You’re the most amazing woman to me. I got bored with women I didn’t love. You’re the one i want. The one I need. I can’t kiss another woman… she doesn’t have your lips. I love you so much, I don’t want another.”

And just like that, the attachment issues crawled back into their hiding place

We talked a bit more and then as I relaxed, I became sleepy

Plus, it was 2am

This is how he ended:

“Then sleep and sleep well, my love. But know you needn’t feel insecure with me. Any other woman is just that. I need love not sex. You are true love. Goodnight my love”

I did sleep, drifting off with a smile on my lips

Attachment issues be damned

About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

9 responses to “On Attachment

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