Luck of the blue haired

I’m in a good place

I am still  a bit emotionally detached from what happened with my brother, but I’m okay with that

I am so tired of crying and being sad that I just don’t want to got there right now

I just want to enjoy being happy

The good news is my brother is currently stable

I keep checking in with him and as long as he stays away from my parents and sisters, I don’t think he’ll be having another breakdown soon

The other good news is that I’m happy

Genuinely, joyfully happy

I am fully enjoying being in love with Mr. Artist

I think my hesitance is finally melting away and I’m able to remain present with him more and more

I still actively fight the vicious guilt that sometimes creeps up on me, but it is getting easier to do so

I’m also actively fighting the urge to compare him to my ex-wife and Mr. Nerd.

The more I do that, the easier it is to just be with him

Speaking of Mr. Nerd, I think I’m almost completely over him

I think of him less and less and I don’t find myself pining for him randomly

He’s becoming a distant memory rather than a painful wound

I still miss him and a part of me will always hold my breath when I see his name, but his memory doesn’t hold the power it once had over me

It’s a good feeling

I find myself falling for Mr. Artist more every day

And quite hard

A part of me is in awe that this man loves me with no reserve, even as I bring along heavy emotional baggage

He stretches himself so far out of his comfort zone trying to be the support I require

It’s endearing

He routinely tells me the most romantic things and they are so genuine, I couldn’t even pretend not to be affected by them if I tried

He melts me

Yet, as much as I love spending time with him and miss him as soon as he’s out of sight, I also love spending time alone

I have fallen in love with myself

I absolutely love living on my own

I sigh contently as I crawl into the middle of my bed each night

I’m excited to come home and do whatever I want to do without anyone telling me otherwise

I love when it’s just me and Valentine, crawling on all fours and playing tug of war

I love hogging the TV without remorse

I especially love eating whatever the fuck I want for dinner (cereal, anyone?) without being scolded that it’s not a “proper” meal

I love being me

And now I have someone who loves me being me

I feel so lucky

 

 

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

10 responses to “Luck of the blue haired

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