Butterflies, ladybugs, dragonflies, and hummingbirds were part of this group.
I still feel that way today.
Except now when I see them, I imagine it’s God saying “Hello”, reminding me that he’s around.
I just need to stay still enough to notice.
I’ve been very discouraged and worried lately.
There are many reasons, but one big one is that I’m barely making it financially.
It sucks to have to charge things like groceries and gas on the regular.
There is hope on the horizon, though.
I interviewed to get a salaried position at my current job and I’m waiting to hear the verdict.
If I get it, it would provide a vast amount of relief for me.
I’d be able to stay where I’m at and have enough money to pay all my bills and even have some spare to save.
If I don’t get it, then as much as I absolutely love my job, I will be forced to look for a new one.
I really hope I get it.
I pray and tell God that I trust him no matter what, because I do, even if I don’t always like or understand the outcome.
Still, sometimes my heart gets heavy.
This afternoon it was particularly burdened.
I was sitting in my dining room, eating my lunch and looking outside to my patio.
I had bought a hummingbird feeder and put it up a week ago.
I love seeing hummingbirds and knowing that I am helping them, especially since it’s difficult for them to find sufficient enough food here in the city.
I had yet to see any hummingbirds come to my feeder, however.
The level of food had diminished ever so slightly, which I figured was due to the sweltering heat as of late.
For whatever reason (mostly because I’m neurotic) it has been concerning me that no hummingbirds are benefitting from my provision.
I’ve been trying to figure out why that is: maybe they migrated, maybe it’s too hot, maybe they don’t like my feeder…
These thoughts just add to my discouragement.
Feeling the weight of my worry, I sat at my table and prayed.
I said, “I trust you. I’m so worried. But I know it will be okay.”
Immediately after I prayed that, a flutter caught my eye.
There was a rather large hummingbird checking out my feeder.
That one left and then moments later, another smaller one came to eat.
I watched, almost in shock.
Then I burst into tears.
Because it felt like God had given me a hug.
I was as if he said to me, “I hear you. I’m here.”
This also made me realize that the food wasn’t evaporating because of the heat, it was diminishing because the hummingbirds had found it when I wasn’t looking.
God has been around the whole time.
I just don’t always see or feel it.
Faith is a vastly personal thing.
I know not everyone feels the same way about God as I do.
But this is my experience of him and it is good.