Madness

Sometimes I feel like my mind is a tornado

A flurry of thoughts cycling around in a chaotic nature

Sometimes I feel like I’m going mad

I’ve been a part of a different world, a different life that no one else knows

The worries and cares I carry feel so heavy

Sometimes I just need to hear a voice of reason

Someone who knows just how to talk to me

My ex-wife was a calmer of my storms

As I was for hers

Sometimes we caused storms for each other

But we always managed to find the eye

And in the calm within the chaos, we would hold each other

Until the storm settled down

I miss that

Mr. Artist doesn’t know how to talk to me

Not when it’s stormy

I filter myself around him

Because my thoughts make him uncomfortable

I can tell

He can barely acknowledge his own emotions, it’s a lot for him to understand mine

As much as I love him and as well as he treats me, this part of him holds me back

Keeps me guarded

Because I need to be unfiltered

I need to feel like my emotions can be understood and handled

I need someone that helps me feel sane

Madness understands madness

I feel very much like Alice in Wonderland

It feels so lonely at times

I figured something out

I know why I fell so head over heels with my ex-wife and Mr. Nerd immediately

It’s because they just knew

They understood the insanity of the storms and in their understanding, they helped calm them

That’s the secret

That’s the only thing that could make this wild, fierce Alpha woman into an irrational mush who would sacrifice everything just to be with that person

The person who just gets her

A person with madness of their own

 

 

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

18 responses to “Madness

  • survivednarc

    This is beautiful. I feel that I understand every word of this and like it just cuts into the soul. Yes, a madness of their own!!!
    🙂
    Hugs!

  • listentothebabe

    I’m finding the opposite as I get older. I need to be filtered because so much of what I think are my emotions and thoughts are fleeting and not part of me. When we learn to be unattached we don’t need someone to sort through our baggage of emotions, because we do that on our own. And we’re free to be something else other than our past.

  • laurelwolfelives

    What do you do when somebody can’t calm your storms? Nobody could ever calm mine. Does that mean they just don’t care…they’re not equipped….or you’re just not important enough for them to try?
    If Mr. Artist can’t provide that, what is that going to do for your relationship? Could it eventually become a non-issue or could it be something that festers?
    I always did well…surviving my storms. I had to….but oh….how wonderful it would have been to have had somebody who could have “calmed my storms.”

    • samlobos

      It’s not that he doesn’t care, I think it’s that he tries to avoid his own feelings so much that to see me completely possess and embrace mine is very different and difficult for him. He’s not used to it, I think, especially from someone like me who’s very intense and communicative. It’s okay for now, but I can’t be with someone long term who doesn’t understand. I’m just going to give it time because hopefully with some guidance he can understand the type of support I need during those times. This is extremely important to me, to feel like I can say anything to my partner without being shamed, judged, brushed off, or worse, completely misunderstood.

  • thelonelyauthorblog

    Powerful and beautiful. And yes, it is important to be with someone who “just gets us.”

  • Mr Man

    As long as he’s able and willing to learn how to talk to you, it’s ok if he doesn’t speak that language yet. I reckon that there’s a helluva lot of you (not sure how else to put it) so be patient with him while he’s being patient with you.

  • Crystal Empath

    I have alot to say on yhis subject and read all of the other comments. Just not sure if I’m willing to share it all with so many others at this point.
    You have some great advice here and are on track with your own thoughts and feelings, so I think you’ve really got this. Your ability to assess others as a therapist (and perhaps a sensitive) makes life easier in some aspects, but opens your world up to many avenues of doubt, worry and concern that may not truly be an issue in the long term. As you grow (and this whole experience at this point in your life is so very new to you) and learn to accept and embrace yourself and your emotions, so will it all make more sense to you.
    You will know in time what is your new normal…and you will learn to calm yourself as you understand yourself better. I have no doubt that you will overthink things; such is your way…but that is both your blessing and your curse. And also why I know that you will be okay…more than okay…this is just that path that leads to you. The most genuine you, yet. Embrace it all…the universe will never provide any less for you than exactly what you need. Whether it comes from your partner, self and/or others…it will be as it should be for your highest growth. ❤

    • samlobos

      Thank you. There are things I struggle within my “new normal” like guilt and grief that sometimes becomes overwhelming. This is very new to me, this trying to move on thing. It brings up thoughts and emotions that can be crazy making. Thank you for your support and thoughts.💙

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