The “B” Word

I am incredibly happy with Mr. Artist.

Somehow he has moved past my hard exoskeleton and has made my heart complete mush.

We see each other quite often since we miss each other almost the minute we leave each other’s side.

It’s this weird dynamic.

I both crave my alone time and enjoy it, but at the same time, I miss and crave seeing him.

Ugh, this must be love.

As much as I love him and tell him this daily, I still struggle with calling him my, gulp, boyfriend.

I have no idea why this is so hard for me to say.

I’ve actually never had a boyfriend before.

Like, ever.

Those of you who have been following me for a long time know that I didn’t date anyone before my ex-wife and she was my first “everything”, from kiss to sex.

Now that I have a “boyfriend”, I simply cannot say it out loud.

I get stuck on the word, it lingers on the back of my tongue and almost chokes me.

I could psychoanalyze the reasons for this all day long, but I’m actively trying to remain present and just enjoy the journey, so I haven’t figured it out yet.

He is okay with my difficulty in accepting labels so there is no pressure to “categorize” us from him, which is one of many reasons why I love him.

The other night, he told me something that snuck its way into my heart and created a nesting place there.

He was saying something along the lines of how he’s been around the dating scene for awhile and “that’s how I know how to recognize when something wonderful comes along, such as you, and not to let go of it.”

He’s not the most handsome man in the world.

He’s certainly not the tallest.

He’s not super fit or muscular.

He’s definitely not rich or well off.

But damn, he treats me sooooo fucking good!!!

And he makes me feel appreciated, beautiful, unique, and talented.

I don’t know if this is a forever love.

I think I’m too cautious right now to go there.

What I do know is that everyday he earns his place in my heart, not through flowery words or romantic gestures (although that helps) but simply by being himself.

And who he is, is pretty fucking fantastic.


P.S. I wrote a post for Conceited Crusade. Please click here to read it.







About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

30 responses to “The “B” Word

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