It’s a beautiful Sunday morning.
I woke up next to Mr. Artist and the first thing he said was, “You are so beautiful in the morning. I love waking up next to you.”
He left early, but not before taking Valentine out to potty.
Valentine had been whining and I groaned and muttered I’d take him out.
He told me, “No, you get some rest. I’ll take him out.”
Laying in bed, I thought about how lucky I feel.
I have this man who tells me everyday that I’m beautiful for different reasons and when he says it, he looks at me, really looks at me and I can see in his blue eyes that he is absolutely telling me his truth.
He treats me like I’m a treasure and caters to me, not because he has to or is trying to earn my love, but because that’s how he shows me how he feels about me.
Last night felt like we made love.
Not just sex, but love.
I am aware that I sound so cheesy and cliché right now, but I have no other way to describe it.
My heart doesn’t know how to process this happiness.
My head is even more at a loss as to what to do with it.
How do I make sense of the pain and anguish I’ve felt for a long time to how I feel right now?
I was sitting on my sofa a little while ago and admiring my apartment.
The thought that I love it came to mind.
This place is home now.
I snuggled Valentine and told him how it’s just me and him, but then I said something I haven’t said before, “But it doesn’t have to be.”
Because I realize that just because I can be on my own and don’t need anyone to take care of me, doesn’t mean that I can’t have someone in my life anyway.
Just because I’ve been used to pain and heartache doesn’t mean that is what life is supposed to be like for me.
I can be happy.
Not just content or satisfied, but happy.
I need to remind myself of this from time to time.
I wrote a post some time back about how surreal my life felt and how I was trying to accept my “new normal” but I wrote it from a place of grief and loss.
This is different.
Today is all I have.
Today I looked around an apartment full of things I enjoy, with an adorable dog who thinks I’m his mommy and the love of a man I didn’t see coming.
Soaking all of that in, I realized something.
This is my life now.
And this moment feels good.