He says things that you read in romantic novels.
“I’m entangled in you.”
“You made me possessed by you.”
“You are now my need and sustenance.”
“Your eyes echo in my mind.”
And that’s just from today.
When he tried to explain why I was different, he said things like:
“It was something in your eyes that always pulled me in. The idea of something that felt like a promise…I can’t explain. Something like, “please stay.”
“It’s always been something inside you… like spirits finding their lost love.”
“Many times I feel compelled when it comes to you. I try and resist and it doesn’t feel right.”
Are you guys swooning yet?
When explaining the drastic changes he was willing to make as far as his original desire to not get into anything serious and then his adamant insistence that he never wanted kids, this is what he said:
(Brief background, we had talked 4 months ago and got along but he didn’t want kids and I did so we decided not to meet. Then he contacted me 4 months later, not realizing we had talked before and the rest is history.)
“I wanted to make sure I could remove any possibility of us not working the second time. So I opened myself to us having kids…since that is so important to you. That’s how important you are to me…I’ve never offered such to anyone.”
I have a beautiful bunch of stargazer lilies in the middle of my table that he bought for me on Saturday.
He has bought me flowers four times in a little over a month. Half of that time we were “broken up” because of me.
He brought me dinner today. Dinner he had cooked yesterday for his family but saved some for me.
He calls me beautiful everyday, even when I greet him with pajamas, no make up, and stubbly legs.
He misses me after a day and when he does see me, he kisses me like it’s been forever.
He says kissing me is amazing.
He is in love with my vagina.
He says and does all these wonderful, dreamy things, yet I have to consistently tell myself not to freak out.
I am looking for any little flaw, all the exit routes are highlighted and my emergency bag is packed and ready to go.
I’m one foot out the door.
Being with him is wonderful and terrifying.
Part of me is in mourning over the love I still feel for Mr. Nerd.
It makes it hard to be fully present with Mr. Artist.
I am trying to go with it, but it’s totally against my nature.
I’m a ride or die girl, lukewarm is not in my blood.
He deserves hot.
He deserves all my love.
He deserves someone that’s not me.
How do I tell him this when he refuses to listen?
When he insists on saying things that melt me?
How do I resist the pull, the connection, the passion when I’m near him?
I’m a wild beast.
I can’t be tamed.
I give and take but I also love and wreck.
I don’t mean to.
Wild creatures try to adapt but it’s their nature to roam.
I will try to ride it out.
Maybe this is a moment of panic, of overthinking.
The exit sign isn’t far from where I stand.