This time, it was 1:34 am, this morning
Mr. Artist was asleep in my bed as I washed up
We can’t do anything besides heavy kissing and he stayed late watching a movie with me
I’m just going with it
Trying not to overthink
But back to Mr. K
“Are you up?”
I had permanently erased his number from my phone, even going into the memory and clearing his number from it
But I recognized the area code and last four digits to be his
“Wake up for a bit.”
I responded, “I’m up”
He asked what I was doing
“Going to bed”
He said he wanted to ask me something
He asked, “Do you want to have a threesome with me and another girl?”
Sometimes I honestly cannot believe how weird my life can get real quick
In those moments I chuckle in disbelief and look around like, “Is this real life?”
I did just that when reading his text
Remember, this is a man I have told straight out that I couldn’t talk to him anymore because it hurt too much knowing that he was with other girls and didn’t want more than sex, while I wanted a relationship with him
I simply asked, “Where did that come from?”
“I told her I wanted to watch her eat ass and yours was the first ass I thought of.”
Ahhh… Isn’t he so romantic?
Why did I ever like this guy?!?!?
Oh yeah, because he had brief fits of being sweet in the beginning
And I think he’s hot
Still, even after his assholery, I have to admit I briefly considered it.
I looked over at Mr. Artist, snuggled in my covers
Even if we haven’t talked about what it is we are doing, I know sleeping with other people is not part of it
I thought about how the sleeping man just told me he loves me and thinks everything about me is addicting and intoxicating
I compared that to being remembered by Mr. K as having a “beautiful asshole” (his words, not mine). And body, he did say I have a beautiful body. I’ll give him that
They don’t even compare
But what really made up my mind was that I’m past being an accessory for someone else’s pleasure
I don’t need to settle for just sex because I’m worth so much more
And I can get it, when and if I want it
I told Mr.K that I believe I’m back on with Mr. Artist
He said he understood that and wished me luck
I told him I was just going with it
He said, “Good. You should.”
I told him thanks and have a good night.
He said, “You too”
I think he’s losing his influence on me because hearing from him didn’t rattle me like the other times
I’m resisting the urge to try to finding meaning in his thinking about me, even if it’s in a superficial way
And I’m not entertaining the notion of feeling flattered
He’s gone for now
I have a feeling Mr. K will continue to pop in and out of my life for a long time
I feel this way because I’m the type of girl he usually dates seriously
This is something he’s said in a roundabout way
When I decided I couldn’t be “friends with benefits” anymore, I told him if he was ever looking for someone to date seriously, to keep me in mind
He said, “Of course.”
I know I’m tucked away in the back of his mind because of it
Thing is, by the time he comes around, I won’t want to be with him anymore
That’s because I already feel good enough within myself to know he’s not right for me and to stick with what I need
The power of his memory is already losing its hold over me
I like it that way.
P.S. Speaking of past men:
Mr. Awkward called me Friday evening, asking if I wanted to hang out. I had to ask who it was because I didn’t recognize the number or his voice at first. I told him I had plans (which I did, I hung out with Erica). I explained that I was figuring things out with this guy I had been seeing (Mr. Artist) and I had quit dating because I didn’t want to anymore, so if we did “hang out” there would be no fooling around. He acted all confused like I was making it a bigger deal than it was. I think he was just disappointed that I wasn’t interested anymore.
I did tell him about the chlamydia and said I was sorry if I exposed him to it and encouraged him to get tested. He said thank you for talking to me but I have to go. I’m positive I won’t be hearing from him again.