Small confession

I feel anxious. 

And a bit nauseated. 

I can blame it on the leftover effects from my antibiotic. 

But I know it’s emotional. 

I share a lot on here, but I don’t share everything. 

There are things I keep to myself: interactions, feelings, observations, and words that stay with me. 

I have my reasons for believing what I do. 

But it’s of no consequence now, the result is the same.

Here’s a confession: I did love him. 

I said it in my head more times than I can count while in his embrace.

Several times I was close to saying it out loud.

But I never did.

Because I wasn’t certain what type of love it was. 

I realize now that the love I felt was that of appreciation, tenderness, and connection. 

It was not a love of passion, desire, and unyielding. 

So I chose to keep it to myself. 

Because I didn’t want to confuse more than I had. 

He may never know this. 

I don’t think it would benefit him to hear it now. 

I know he wondered if what he saw in my eyes was love. 

It was. 

I didn’t hide it. 

My eyes always give me away. 

But he didn’t ask and I didn’t say and maybe it’s for the better.

 I did love him. 

Just not the way he would have wanted me to.

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

15 responses to “Small confession

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