I feel anxious.
And a bit nauseated.
I can blame it on the leftover effects from my antibiotic.
But I know it’s emotional.
I share a lot on here, but I don’t share everything.
There are things I keep to myself: interactions, feelings, observations, and words that stay with me.
I have my reasons for believing what I do.
But it’s of no consequence now, the result is the same.
Here’s a confession: I did love him.
I said it in my head more times than I can count while in his embrace.
Several times I was close to saying it out loud.
But I never did.
Because I wasn’t certain what type of love it was.
I realize now that the love I felt was that of appreciation, tenderness, and connection.
It was not a love of passion, desire, and unyielding.
So I chose to keep it to myself.
Because I didn’t want to confuse more than I had.
He may never know this.
I don’t think it would benefit him to hear it now.
I know he wondered if what he saw in my eyes was love.
I didn’t hide it.
My eyes always give me away.
But he didn’t ask and I didn’t say and maybe it’s for the better.
I did love him.
Just not the way he would have wanted me to.