UTI’s, Boy Toy’s and other Bullshit

Nothing announces to the world that you’ve been having sex like a UTI.

Especially if you are a woman.

I’ve had this minor UTI for about 2 months.

I know, I should have gotten it treated long ago, but I don’t have medical insurance anymore and I was hoping it would go away.

But it just got worse.

Like to where I was achy in my abdomen and lower back all day, it hurt to sit, had blood in my urine, and was sweating at night.

So I made an appointment with a clinic and shelled out $127 for the visit and test yesterday.

I hate not having benefits.

Anyway, Boy Toy decided to contact me yesterday as well. Said he missed me. Missed seeing my smile and hearing my voice.

Goddamnit, do these guys never let go?!?

I’m trying to be a good girl and just talk to and date one guy.

Every time I leave, they always draw me back in.

Sure, I could set a boundary like block his number, tell him not to contact me again, etc.

But…fuck…he taps into my lust and that’s hard to resist.

I know right about now you are thinking, don’t fall for it, Samantha. You are going to fuck things up with Mr. Artist and he’s a really good guy who really cares about you.

I know. That’s why I’m currently telling Boy Toy that we can’t talk anymore. Yet again.

Here’s the thing, I am attracted to Boy Toy. There’s something about his big brown eyes, his full lips, his cute little smile and his persistent, flirty way of talking that does it for me. He’s half Puerto Rican and White. And he’s quite the freaky boy.

I think it’s safe to say you all know I’m a bit of a freak myself so when I find someone that seems to know how to tap into it just right, it’s hard for me not to play along.

That being said, I did not do anything with him via Face Time yesterday, although he tempted me to. I did, however, get to see him “perform” and boy, was there explosion at the end! I’d be lying if I said it didn’t turn me on, even with the fucking UTI.

It’s not as though I’m not attracted to Mr. Artist. He’s average to good looking. Most people who see his picture say he’s handsome. He’s had his share of female admirers and I have no doubt that he could find someone rather quickly if things didn’t work out between us.

I just don’t lust after him. I don’t look at him and want to rip his clothes off or fuck his brains out (I know that’s crass, but let’s just call it what it is).

I don’t feel that smolder of cracking chemistry that makes it hard to pull away. Yes, there is chemistry, but it’s not that wild, uninhibited, naughty passion that I’ve experienced with other guys. Where I just want to talk dirty to them all the time. And pounce them every chance I get. Or “perform” for them.

Sigh.

Mr. Artist is being wonderful. I told him about my UTI and not feeling good and he bought me dinner and more flowers last night. Today he offered to bring me something to eat and anything else I need.

I care about him, I do. I just don’t know to what extent. I freak myself out if I try to think too far ahead into the future so I remind myself that it’s okay if he is “Mr. Right Now” (Thanks, Megan)

Because in my gut, I know he’s already in love with me. I know that he sees himself being with me for a long time. He talks about us in relation to long term. I see it in the way he looks at me. How he seems to be hyper aware of other men around and when we are out, he steers me clear of them. He misses me after not seeing me for a day. And he caters to me hand and foot.

I would never take advantage of him. If anything, I stave him off, telling him I’m okay and don’t need anything or thanking him for his thoughtfulness.

There is tenderness and respect between us. I know I have met another whole. Someone who doesn’t want or need anything from me. Someone who just wants to roll with me.

Is that enough?

 

 

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

21 responses to “UTI’s, Boy Toy’s and other Bullshit

  • sonofabeach96

    Having that caring, respect, tenderness, is great. That’s all part of being able to rely on them and having someone do everything right. Kind, caring, loving, loyal. It should feel perfect, right? But without that spark? That “I want you now!” feeling? That “I get hard just thinking of you, I still get butterfly’s when you touch me, I crave you like I crave oxygen!” feeling? Hard to imagine living without that lust, want, and desire. I think you’ve discovered your answer. Be careful, of hurting him. Mr. Artist that is.

    • samlobos

      You’re right. I can’t imagine living without that passion. And I’m not feeling it for him. I feel so many other things, just not that. And I know if I were to tell him that now, he’d refuse to believe it. He’d say I haven’t given it enough time. Part of me has been hoping that is just it. But I think deep down I always knew. Now comes the hard part.

  • laurelwolfelives

    Only you can answer that question. You have to feel it in every fiber of your being. If you do, it’s enough.
    Three words….cranberry juice and yogurt. (Okay…four words.) Those are very good for UTIs’. It’s not going to help you now, but it you either drink some or eat some every month, it will help stave off another one. 😦

  • samlobos

    Right. Yogurt, damnit!! Ha,ha!

  • survivednarc

    aaaw… I know how hard it can be! And I also know it can be perceived as a luxury problem, to have a sweet person wanting to be with you, but that you just don’t yearn and lust for… many people do “settle” for that sort of relationship, that perhaps end up being more like… friendship/companionship… but I’ve always felt that I need that spark, for it to work…. perhaps not everyone “needs” that, I don’t know. (Or… maybe they deny hat they need it and end up unhappy and cheating/divorcing a bunch of years later, who knows)…

    Only you can know in your heart what it is that you really need. Sometimes it is the timing aswell. Perhaps this man would have been perfect for you in 15 years from now, who knows. But, we live here and now. Do what your heart tells you is right. You could take a little time longer to decide, but perhaps not a very long time either, (that might really break his heart). Oh, I am sorry that you are feeling this way. Do not act, until you are 100% sure, is my only advice. 🙂 Since he is a good guy. hugs

  • Just a Gurrl

    No one can really tell you what’s enough…but it sounds like you already know. Recognize what’s important to you, because it’s not all about foot rubs and having a sure thing– unless it is. I know a very happily married couple that sleep in separate rooms–wouldn’t work for me. I know another couple who fight like clockwork just for the burning down the house make up sex–that wouldn’t work for me, either. Pinpoint what you need and help him turn up the heat. 🙂

    • samlobos

      Thank you. I feel the same way. I need a balance. I need security and desire. In equal measures. I’m trying not to jump the gun, but I think I already know where it’s heading. And it makes me anxious and sad.

  • rachel

    her she goes again…over analyzing. you’ve even got me wondering now…

  • emmagc75

    Yeah then you know what you need to do. Cut him loose. Sucks but that’s life. Hugs!

    • samlobos

      I did. At first I didn’t want to, but then the more I thought about it, he was just about sex. It felt good to tell him goodbye.

      • emmagc75

        Wait who’s just about sex? Lol No I’m talking about the artist not boy toy. Boy toy totally just wants sex lol.

      • samlobos

        Ha,ha! I’m wrangling up my energy to figure out how I want to proceed with Mr. Artist. I think first I’ll ask for more space to have my head clear and then if I’m certain, I’ll let him go. That thought makes me sad but I feel like that’s going to be the right thing to do.

      • emmagc75

        Yeah it’s a bit scary n sad but your feelings are neither right nor wrong. They just are. Maybe u needed to be on the other side to see that sometimes it’s just not right. Not really rejection, you just don’t feel the same as other person.

      • samlobos

        Yes. I think that’s true. And I’m very grateful for the experience.

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