One positive thing about having my heart ripped open so many times is that I am bouncing back faster.

I’m still hurt and a bit melancholic, but I’m trying to focus on what is.

The now.

I find that when I focus on what was or what could be, the hurt floods in.

If I focus on the present, I feel okay.

I got a 90 minute massage today.

I had scheduled it last month but it couldn’t have come at a better time.

I get massages every month, one way I pamper myself.

There is something about being rubbed down and having someone work out those knots of life out of your body that sends little shots of endorphins through the brain.

I usually come out in a much better mood than when I went in.

I plan to clean my apartment today as well.

I feel like my living space is an extension of myself and having it smelling fresh and looking sparkly makes me feel good and productive.

I was also planning on re-dying my blue hair and I was going to experiment with adding a touch of purple.

If it goes well, I’ll post a picture. 😉

Mr. Artist told me he was going to rent a movie and asked if I wanted to see it with him tonight.

I said okay.

I saw him yesterday too, our city had a St. Patrick’s day celebration and he wanted to know if I would like to join him.

I said yes at first, but after crying about Mr. K,  I was exhausted and so I told him I changed my mind.

When I woke up from my nap, I considered calling him to see if I could join him but he called me first.

Maybe he heard my thoughts.

We talked about what was going on with us.

He told me about a date he had on Thursday and this friend he’s had for a while who he figures they are kinda seeing each other because their relationship has been physical.

But when I asked him what he did Friday night, he said that he decided he wanted to stay in and watch a movie instead of hanging out with the woman he went on a date with.

I think it’s weird that he called me to spend time with him at the festival and it’s me he wants to watch a movie with tonight.

Why not spend that time with the other women?

I told him the PG version of my night with Mr. Awkward.

I don’t care how much he insists that he’s over me, I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

I know better.

I’m looking forward to having more me time without the constant distraction of different men.

Dating became too easy.

Too predictable.

Instead of a new interest popping up every week or two, it was becoming every two to three days.

And the result was usually the same.

Giving time and effort, holding off hope, then disappointment.

I think I know why I was getting so many messages.

Mr. Awkward told me something odd the other night.

He said, “How does it feel to be so popular?”

I looked at him weird (which was not too unusual for him, ha,ha!)

“What do you mean?”

He said, “When you look for women locally on OkC, your face is the first one that pops up. I wonder if people recognize you when you are walking around.”

I was slightly mortified at learning this.

How did I become a poster face for locals on OkC?!?

I think it’s based on the amount of “likes” a person gets on the site.

“Likes” are bullshit, they don’t mean anything except someone thought your picture was cute.

I had quite a bit of “likes” and I got that email again about being one of the “hottest” people on the site within 2 weeks of re-signing up in January, so I guess that made me one of their “popular” picks.

At least I know whenever I’m ready to return to online dating (if ever), I’ll be okay.

I’m not sure how long of a break I’m going to take.

It could be two weeks, a month, two months, a year.

I guess I’ll know when I’m ready.

Right now, it’s about taking care of me.

And enjoying it.









About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

21 responses to “Self-care

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