The Cooling Period

Things can only stay hot for a little bit then they have to cool down.

That’s the natural course of things.

This is a cooling period.

I told Mr. Artist how I felt.

On Tuesday morning, he messaged me his usual good morning greeting and told me he missed me, even though we had just seen each other Sunday night.

He wanted to know if we could get together in the evening. I told him I couldn’t because I had plans.

What I didn’t tell him was that I had a date with 25, you know, the 25 year old I was surprised I had fun with last week.

Mr. Artist told me, “Would it make any difference if I told you I wanted you to feel me deep inside of you tonight?”

That’s when I knew I had to tell him. So I did. I told him how much I enjoy his company but that I wasn’t as passionate about him as I should be. I told him how I was trying and hoping that the more time I spent with him, those feelings would develop but now I knew they were not going to increase. I told him what an amazing guy he is and that I wanted to feel that way about him but I couldn’t help who I’m attracted to.  I then said that I wasn’t sure if he would want to see me again after reading my message. I also reminded him that I had his movie he left at my place and he would have to come get it.

He replied by saying that he sorta knew this was coming and thanked me for being honest. Then he said that he wasn’t sure what purpose seeing each other again would serve. He said he couldn’t see us as being friends. He did mention that if I wanted to continue our relationship as friends with benefits or a fling, he would be open to that. He later sent me a message that he would pick up the movie before I left for the evening.

When he came over to pick up the movie, it was really awkward. It almost felt like a break up. I don’t think either of us knew what to say to the other. We hugged and I wished him luck. He did the same. Then he was gone.

I went on my date with 25 and had fun. He took me to Gameworks, which is a restaurant/arcade and we played various video games and pool. It was the most G rated fun I’ve had with a guy since college. It was nice.

Afterwards, he gave me a quick hug and left. Second date and he hasn’t even tried to kiss me. I kinda like it. Although I wasn’t sure if he wanted to see me again because he hadn’t said anything before leaving. But I was okay with it. I had fun and that’s what mattered.

Later on 25 texted me saying how he thought it was cute that I was new to most of the video games (I didn’t play many growing up) and how I was just about having fun. He asked me if I wanted to keep dating and I said yes so we are going out again on Saturday. I’m not sure if I like him more as a friend, in all honesty, but I guess that’s what going out and getting to know each other is for.

On my way home, I felt a twinge of regret regarding letting Mr. Artist go. I suddenly felt like I had made a mistake. But then I reminded myself that just because he’s a good guy, doesn’t mean he’s right for me. And also, I was going to miss the interactions with him more than actually missing him as a person, so I made the right choice.

That evening, my Boy Toy who I’d been talking to a whole 2 days texted me. He’s 20 and is a student at UCLA. We haven’t met. But we ended up Face Timing and watching each other “perform” which was pretty hot. I’ve been begged by other men to take naked pictures or video chat but I always refuse. For some reason though, I trusted Boy Toy and actually liked him enough to go all out. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The next morning, Wednesday, I got an email from The Artist saying that he was sorry about his initial response to me and that he didn’t see a reason why we couldn’t be friends.

I told him that I would like to remain friends and how I didn’t want to suggest it first because I wanted to respect how he felt.

He replied to me how the reason he didn’t think we could be friends is that he had still wanted me sexually and he was confused because I had told him that I liked him a lot and wanted him sexually as well.

He went on to say how he felt frustrated that I was with other men sexually and not him and it made him feel like something was wrong with him. He said that as much as he was willing to see if we could work long term together, he would miss the physical contact with me the most.

(Basically, he was more upset that he wouldn’t get to kiss me anymore or have sex with me, which is what he really wanted, than he was at losing the potential for a long term relationship with me).

He explained that he thought we could easily have a friends with benefits type of situation and he would be good with that but he forgets that not everyone can separate their heart from their head. But it bothered him that I wouldn’t even consider having a friends with benefits thing with him because we seemed to have such good “chemistry”. He mentioned how kissing me and going down on me was amazing and that the offer still stood if I wanted to try having a friends with benefits relationship. Then he said he was still confused about my change of heart but he would just roll with it.

This message gave me an icky feeling when I read it. I felt like he was full of bullshit. Yes, I believe he was upset and frustrated about not getting to have sex with me. But I also don’t believe he could be that flippant about losing out on something long term with me. Especially since he had made some pretty serious statements and considered life changes in order to be with me in such a short amount of time.

So either those things he had told me before were a play to try to get into my panties, or he was pretending that I didn’t hurt him by rejecting him and I wasn’t special to him in some way in order to cover up his wounded ego.

I responded to this message saying that I was not interested with a friends with benefits situation with anyone and that everything I told him was true, in the moment that I told him those things. But once it became clear to me that my feelings would not be changing, I no longer wanted to pursue a sexual relationship with him and I felt I was well within my rights to change my mind since we had only been dating for a week.

His response felt like a whole lot of backtracking to me, in which he said he was “over it” and agreed that I was within my rights to change my mind, that I didn’t need to say that because he wasn’t an asshole. He apologized if he came on too strong and said he would not do it again. He went on to say how he wasn’t completely caught off guard and how he expected that things probably wouldn’t have worked out to “love” but he wanted to give it a try anyway.

He said other things but you get the point.

So that’s where things are with Mr. Artist.

We will try to remain friends but in my experience with men who were sexually attracted to me and settled for being my friend when I wasn’t interested in them, the friendship doesn’t last very long.

So we’ll see.

I also said goodbye to my Boy Toy today. He was texting me, naughty things like usual, and got aroused so he went to “take care” of himself. After he finished, he texted me sounding suddenly serious by saying, “Let’s be honest with ourselves. We are never going to meet.”

Upon further inquiry, it came out that he felt if we continued on the way we were, one of us would get hurt and he didn’t want that. He also said he was just looking for sex, while I wanted something long term. I told him that I knew we wouldn’t be long term and I had figured out that all he wanted was sex right away when he messaged me, but I told him if he wanted to stop talking, I would respect that.

He said he did because he didn’t want either of us to get hurt and that he wasn’t the right guy for me. I thanked him for respecting me enough to tell me the truth and consider that. He said, “You’re a beautiful woman who deserves to be treated with respect.”


Is it weird that I was sad to say goodbye to him? There was something about him I really liked. But I know what he said was true. Too bad more men aren’t like this 20 year old cutie.

That free time I was complaining about wanting last week?

Yeah, looks like I’m going to be getting plenty of it now.

Although, in about 2 weeks, there should be a new interest.

At least, that’s been the pattern I’ve noticed.

Either way I’ll be okay.

I could use some time to myself.




About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

12 responses to “The Cooling Period

  • An Inspirer's Blog

    Beautifully written… Please checkout my blog.

  • survivednarc

    Oh, ok. Now I get a bit more clarity on the situation. 🙂
    I must say this, though. In your previous blog, you did a very good job showing the perspective of the “other side”!! 🙂 I could almost understand “him”, quite a bit. But now that I read THIS blog, I am totally with you, and I do see more from your side. And from your side, it seems mr. Artist wasn’t really cool about things. Now, in my eyes, he was a bit… weird about how he talked to you about these things.. I mean, why would he even suggest a FWB thing.. lol. Sorry. He should know you a little bit better than that… 🙂

    Anyway: I do believe that the way he acted, must be him trying to just “skip” the pain of rejection and trying to make it into something that “didn’t mean that much”. (Either that, or he was a great actor when he said he would consider having kids…).. Hugs!

    • samlobos

      Thank you. 😊 I agree that it was weird that he kept “leaving the door open” to the friends with benefits thing. I suspect he is used to getting what he wants and was also trying some last ditch efforts to keep me engaged sexually. As for his “acting skills” I agree with you in that he’s just trying to skip the pain of being rejected as well as diminishing that I might have been special to him. I have a hard time feeling bad for him in this regard and would rather he be more honest. Oh, well. I guess I found where he is not perfect.

      • survivednarc

        Yes,…. to be more precise, what really bothered me was more the way he went about things, the way you described it all… it just sort of gave me this weird feeling…. like… I don’t know, like he was sort of passive agressive in some way, or something… Of course, in the face of rejection, everyone can behave strangely… Oh well. Onwards and upwards, etc. 🙂 I hope you have a nice day!

  • laurelwolfelives

    OMG Sam! I think I get the “performing” thing. LOL. (I’m relatively new to things…I guess you can tell.) Poor Mr. Artist…but you did the right thing by him….and 25….he sounds like a gentleman but he could be another Ted Bundy…LOL Boy toy just wants sex? Tell him HE’S supposed to be YOUR toy….not the other way around….Yikes.
    I am just blown away by your honesty. I love it!!!

    • samlobos

      😁 I like transparency. Glad you understood the meaning of “performing”, ha,ha!!

      • laurelwolfelives

        I’m learning! I’m also realizing just exactly what I was missing all those years….playing the dutiful wife, babysitter….waiting for my turn…and…strap me to the side of a hog and roll me in the mud….somebody else was “gettin’ it” while I was at home. LOL

  • emmagc75

    He’s a guy lol. Of course he wants to leave the sex door open lmao!!!! Yeah he might be acting but he’s treated you with nothing but respect n care. And he handled the rejection better than most. Unlike a dbag like K that had tantrums to get his way.

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