Some fucked up shit right here…


So this really weird and awkward thing just happened to me right now.

I was innocently typing away, trying to be a good employee by catching up on paperwork and texting this cute 20 year old who contacted me on OkC and has been blowing up my phone telling me how beautiful I am and how much he wants me. (Hey, it’s all in good fun.)

I get this message from a guy that I talked to on OkC about 3 weeks ago, who at the time claimed he was just looking for a “friend”. This guy is 40 years old, has written a book and is an aspiring comedian. At the time I drilled him about his claim of wanting only friendship, telling him that guys say that they just want to be friends and what they really mean is that they want to be friends with benefits.

He SWORE up and down that he could only offer something platonic and he had no intention of ever being more than a friend to me. No flirting, no sex talk,  nothing.

He wasn’t really someone I would normally seek out a friendship with and honestly, I have enough friends, but I said, fine, that’s cool.

I mean, what was the harm?

So he called me back at the time and we talked for a bit and he was funny and true to his word, he didn’t flirt or say anything inappropriate. After that, he maybe sent me one message and then I didn’t hear from him again until today.

I got a message asking how I have been.

Because I’ve been feeling good and this guy isn’t an interest, I didn’t think anything about telling him how I’ve been doing well and dating up a storm.

Before I knew it, I was getting call from a number I didn’t recognize.

I answered it, not knowing who it could be and it was him. I forgot that I had given him my number.

He is suddenly incredibly interested in my recent dates and I was very candid about what I’ve been up to.

I notice that he was a bit more flirty and using sexual innuendos with me.

At one point he mentioned something about him needing to get a number in order to meet and make out with me.

Confused, I told him that I thought he just wanted to be my friend. He replied by saying, “Yeah, the type of friend that wants you to sit on my face and let your juices melt into my mouth.”


It just goes more downhill from there.

I remind him how adamant he had been about only being my friend when we first talked and he said that it was his original intention, but that he failed at it and so please don’t hate him.

He confessed that when he talked to me the first time, he got so aroused by it that he got hard and took a picture of his dick and debated on sending it to me but decided against it.

He wanted to know if I would like to see the picture since he saved it.

I told him I was okay and that he didn’t have to send it.

He said he wanted to and did so anyway.

He made a comment about how tiny he is (which was meant to be a joke because he was pretty huge).

I said, “Oh wow, it’s miniscule.” (Side note: I know some women love themselves some huge dick, but I’ve experienced well endowed men and all I can think of is “ouch” because I’ve been hit in the cervix before. Not pleasant. I’m cool with a nice average size, thank you very much)

He laughed.

He told me that talking to me now made him incredibly hard and if I liked knowing that.

I was caught a bit off guard and told him that I was surprised that he was interested in me after the big show he had made about only being my friend.

I also told him that I was kinda used to men getting turned on by me quickly because of my voice.

He agreed and said that my voice is incredibly sexy and there is something very sexy and sensual about me.

I told him that we had only spoken once.

He said that was enough.

He asked me if knowing he was hard for me felt good.

I was at a loss for words and said that it was flattering, I guess.

He asked if I had Face Time and I said I did and before I realized it, he was Face Timing me.


I accepted, reluctantly.

He said how sexy I am and I told him that I had my glasses on without any makeup.

He said I didn’t need it because I have a natural sexiness about me.

Then he said that he was trying to be a gentleman and not stroke himself while looking at me but that it was difficult because he was really hard and seeing my face turned him on more.

He wanted to know if I would like it if he lowered the phone so I could see his erection.

I told him no, I didn’t want that.

He said that I had told him that I was turned on and happy that I made him hard.

I corrected him and said “No, I said I was flattered, but I didn’t say I was turned on or happy. I am not attracted to you in that way.”

This was all on Face Time.


He looked a bit uncomfortable and then said, “Well, I have a confession to make. I’m getting married in two weeks and I kinda freaked out that I’ll be sleeping with the same woman forever. So she gave me a hall pass to have one last fling. I’ve been thinking about who I would want it to be and I thought of you because you are so cute.  I told her about you and I thought that I would see if maybe there would be a connection. But I made a mistake so I’m going to bounce now.”

Then he hung up.

I sat there staring at the phone and laughed from shock.

Then I said to no one in particular, “What the fuck just happened?”

So that’s my weird experience of a fucked up scenario.

Seriously, if someone is freaking out about getting married that bad, they probably shouldn’t be getting married.

I just can’t help but think there is a divorce in his future.

On a different note, this is why I have a hard time trusting that men can actually be my friend when they say they just want to be friends. Because my experience is that they inevitably want to date or fuck me. Or both.

The only men I can be friends with are men who are insanely in love with their wives or somehow see me as asexual, like Anthony does. Which is why I love and trust him so much.

There you have it folks.

That’s some fucked up shit right there.




About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

17 responses to “Some fucked up shit right here…

  • savingshards

    I fully agree. That is some fucked up shit right there. Think that would have to be one number I blocked… Take care of YOU!!!

  • sonofabeach96

    Somehow, I doubt that dude was given a hall pass. That sounds…unlikely. 😃

    • samlobos

      I’m between he made it up to save face or he really was getting married but I agree, seems very unlikely that he’d be getting a “pass” from his supposed bride.

      • sonofabeach96

        Not unheard of, I suppose. But not likely, I’d assume. I know what my wife would’ve said! I think you’re right though. If he really was getting nervous, nervous enough to worry about “being” with the same woman forever, then he’s not marrying the right one.

  • laurelwolfelives

    Okay. I finally picked up my lower jaw….but I’m with you and saving…”that is some fucked up shit right there!” LOL

  • accordingtorona

    This is one very unusual situation, i wasn’t sure if i should laugh or cry at this 🙂 If he feels that way about getting married maybe getting married isn’t the right thing for him to do…I smell divorce 😛

  • thelonelyauthorblog

    There are some idiots out there that make it bad for the good guys. I respect the guy who is up front and says “I want sex.” He is honest and direct. No guessing games, no reason to fall in love cause he wants sex. You have fun if you want or you discard him. But idiots like this OkC are maggots. There is not reason to play around in this day and age. That is fucked up shit.

    • samlobos

      Exactly. I would have never given him the time of day if he had been up front. I would have said I wasn’t interested. This was like being tricked. It wasn’t a good feeling.

      • thelonelyauthorblog

        I know. Like I said, there is no reason in this day and age to lie. During my single days, I never led a woman on. When I was only interested in “screwing around” I made it clear. There were plenty of women that wanted that no -strings attached friendship. SO there was no need to lie. Idiots.

  • survivednarc

    Where do all these guys come from? Lol. I think a HUGE warning sign is when a guy is sort of pushing it, with sex talk/ especially sex pics, when you have said NO, or showed DOUBT about that…. in my book, that is very unhealthy behavior from a man. I mean, Helloooo, boundaries please, guy? No means no.. And that he said that you were turned on, although you never said that? Whoa, scary dude… he might be horny etc, but making things up like that.. nah, that is just weeeeird. Glad you got rid of him. lol. Hugs!

    • samlobos

      Yup, his number is now blocked! 😁

      • survivednarc

        Atta girl. You’re all cool and body guard-ish about yourself without me even having to lecture.. lol.. 😛 Oh, btw, I did thiw nomination award thingie, but I didn’t nominate you cause I figured you know I luv you anyways and besides, you don’t even like nominating people etc.. 😀 I hope you do not become disappointed in me.. I do have a couple of other nominations to write in the near future, So I wthink I will put you in one of those, anyway. I honestly don’t know f you do enjoy awards.. or should I just skip you in them… lol. 🙂 Hugs.

      • samlobos

        Lol! I don’t get my feelings hurt over stuff like that. I don’t mind awards, I just don’t like if it’s too many at once. 😄

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