So this really weird and awkward thing just happened to me right now.
I was innocently typing away, trying to be a good employee by catching up on paperwork and texting this cute 20 year old who contacted me on OkC and has been blowing up my phone telling me how beautiful I am and how much he wants me. (Hey, it’s all in good fun.)
I get this message from a guy that I talked to on OkC about 3 weeks ago, who at the time claimed he was just looking for a “friend”. This guy is 40 years old, has written a book and is an aspiring comedian. At the time I drilled him about his claim of wanting only friendship, telling him that guys say that they just want to be friends and what they really mean is that they want to be friends with benefits.
He SWORE up and down that he could only offer something platonic and he had no intention of ever being more than a friend to me. No flirting, no sex talk, nothing.
He wasn’t really someone I would normally seek out a friendship with and honestly, I have enough friends, but I said, fine, that’s cool.
I mean, what was the harm?
So he called me back at the time and we talked for a bit and he was funny and true to his word, he didn’t flirt or say anything inappropriate. After that, he maybe sent me one message and then I didn’t hear from him again until today.
I got a message asking how I have been.
Because I’ve been feeling good and this guy isn’t an interest, I didn’t think anything about telling him how I’ve been doing well and dating up a storm.
Before I knew it, I was getting call from a number I didn’t recognize.
I answered it, not knowing who it could be and it was him. I forgot that I had given him my number.
He is suddenly incredibly interested in my recent dates and I was very candid about what I’ve been up to.
I notice that he was a bit more flirty and using sexual innuendos with me.
At one point he mentioned something about him needing to get a number in order to meet and make out with me.
Confused, I told him that I thought he just wanted to be my friend. He replied by saying, “Yeah, the type of friend that wants you to sit on my face and let your juices melt into my mouth.”
It just goes more downhill from there.
I remind him how adamant he had been about only being my friend when we first talked and he said that it was his original intention, but that he failed at it and so please don’t hate him.
He confessed that when he talked to me the first time, he got so aroused by it that he got hard and took a picture of his dick and debated on sending it to me but decided against it.
He wanted to know if I would like to see the picture since he saved it.
I told him I was okay and that he didn’t have to send it.
He said he wanted to and did so anyway.
He made a comment about how tiny he is (which was meant to be a joke because he was pretty huge).
I said, “Oh wow, it’s miniscule.” (Side note: I know some women love themselves some huge dick, but I’ve experienced well endowed men and all I can think of is “ouch” because I’ve been hit in the cervix before. Not pleasant. I’m cool with a nice average size, thank you very much)
He told me that talking to me now made him incredibly hard and if I liked knowing that.
I was caught a bit off guard and told him that I was surprised that he was interested in me after the big show he had made about only being my friend.
I also told him that I was kinda used to men getting turned on by me quickly because of my voice.
He agreed and said that my voice is incredibly sexy and there is something very sexy and sensual about me.
I told him that we had only spoken once.
He said that was enough.
He asked me if knowing he was hard for me felt good.
I was at a loss for words and said that it was flattering, I guess.
He asked if I had Face Time and I said I did and before I realized it, he was Face Timing me.
I accepted, reluctantly.
He said how sexy I am and I told him that I had my glasses on without any makeup.
He said I didn’t need it because I have a natural sexiness about me.
Then he said that he was trying to be a gentleman and not stroke himself while looking at me but that it was difficult because he was really hard and seeing my face turned him on more.
He wanted to know if I would like it if he lowered the phone so I could see his erection.
I told him no, I didn’t want that.
He said that I had told him that I was turned on and happy that I made him hard.
I corrected him and said “No, I said I was flattered, but I didn’t say I was turned on or happy. I am not attracted to you in that way.”
This was all on Face Time.
He looked a bit uncomfortable and then said, “Well, I have a confession to make. I’m getting married in two weeks and I kinda freaked out that I’ll be sleeping with the same woman forever. So she gave me a hall pass to have one last fling. I’ve been thinking about who I would want it to be and I thought of you because you are so cute. I told her about you and I thought that I would see if maybe there would be a connection. But I made a mistake so I’m going to bounce now.”
Then he hung up.
I sat there staring at the phone and laughed from shock.
Then I said to no one in particular, “What the fuck just happened?”
So that’s my weird experience of a fucked up scenario.
Seriously, if someone is freaking out about getting married that bad, they probably shouldn’t be getting married.
I just can’t help but think there is a divorce in his future.
On a different note, this is why I have a hard time trusting that men can actually be my friend when they say they just want to be friends. Because my experience is that they inevitably want to date or fuck me. Or both.
The only men I can be friends with are men who are insanely in love with their wives or somehow see me as asexual, like Anthony does. Which is why I love and trust him so much.
There you have it folks.
That’s some fucked up shit right there.