- Things with Mr. Artist are a bit intense.
He’s really serious about making things work with me.
He is incredibly romantic and passionate.
He actively woos me and doesn’t hide it.
On Friday he came over with flowers for me and a bag of treats for Valentine.
Previous to him coming over to my place for the first time on Wednesday, I had warned him that Valentine loves new people, will jump on him and lick him to no end.
He had said that he didn’t really care for little dogs since they are usually mean and that he tried to avoid getting licked by them in general.
By Friday he was on all fours on the floor playing with Valentine and even got his hands licked without flinching.
He also said Valentine is adorable and a good dog. (I enthusiastically agreed, of course 😉 )
We made out probably more than half of the evening.
He says that kissing me is addictive.
Things got a little intense for a bit but when I told him to touch me, he said, “No you do it.”
I know why he refused.
Because he doesn’t want me feeling like we rushed into anything without being completely ready first and he also doesn’t want me to have an empty feeling afterwards and freak out.
I actually really appreciated that he did that.
Today we talked on the phone for 2 1/2 hours.
I find myself opening up to him about my history and personal life easily.
I don’t ever volunteer information about myself unless asked.
But I’m telling him these incredibly personal things without even a prompt.
I told him about Mr. Nerd.
I’ve talked to him about my divorce.
I’ve told him about my turbulent history with my parents.
I told him about my struggle with depression.
Like really listens.
I even told him I am a commitment-phobe.
Nothing seems to repel him.
If anything, he’s even more serious about me.
He is doing and saying things that I know he never thought he’d say or do.
Today he told me he was open to the idea of having kids.
He just brought it up.
He said he’d been talking to a friend and thinks that maybe he just hadn’t met the right person yet.
And maybe if he met someone wonderful, it’s something he would want.
He constantly tells me how wonderful he thinks I am.
This is from a man who has broken up with women because they wanted kids and he didn’t. A man who four months ago didn’t even think it was worth meeting me because the kid part was a deal breaker. The man who last Saturday night, when I first met him, explained to me how that was something he was not willing to compromise on. That he would rather be alone than compromise in that area. This same man who said he knew that we couldn’t have anything long term because I eventually want kids and he was okay with that. He would be happy for me if I found someone that suited me better.
He explained that he is tired of restarting over and over again with new people. That he has been doing the same thing for years and it hasn’t been working.
He said he wants to do something different.
He said he thinks we have the potential to be something beautiful.
He’s also suggested that we get matching tattoos of the missing piece from my favorite book, “The missing piece meets the Big O”. I had showed him the book on Wednesday and told him that if I ever got married again, I would like to tattoo the picture of the two “O’s” rolling together at the end. He suggested that I just get a tattoo of one circle since I was already rolling on my own and adding the other circle later on if I met someone.
I thought this was a great idea since I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
Thursday night he had messaged me and said we should get matching tattoos of one “O” each. I said I would be down for it because it symbolizes something very deep for me that has nothing to do with him. It symbolizes me becoming my own whole.
He had just told me on Wednesday night that he didn’t have any desire to get more tattoos, especially any visible ones because the two he has are hidden and he feels like tattooing has become too much of a trend now.
Today he brought up the tattoo idea again and said, “That way we can roll with each other.”
He is also using me as an artistic muse.
He said he hasn’t been inspired very much for the last 6 months.
He shared that he finds the way I look visually inspiring. When he looks at me, he traces my face and plays with my hair as though he’s memorizing me. Admiring me. Drinking me in. It’s incredibly tender and intimate. Usually he will lean in to kiss me as though he can’t help it. Like his lips are magnetically drawn to mine.
He also stated that he doesn’t usually sketch women that he dates, how he would rather keep the two separate and that he doesn’t usually find them artistically inspiring, but that it’s different with me.
He said he wants to create something that captures my beauty.
He wants to create something “magical”.
He’s mentioned seeing each other exclusively as a way to maximize our ability to “get to know each other” but I told him that I was not sure I wanted to give up seeing other people yet, but that I could agree to not having sex with anyone in the meantime.
I told him how he scares me because I could possibly fall for him.
He countered with saying, “Well, if you are afraid of falling for someone, doesn’t that mean that you’ve already fallen for them?”
This freaked out my commitment-phobe mind and I stammered, “Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not sure. I don’t know.”
He keeps asking me what’s holding me back.
I tell him I am scared of settling.
I also tell him that I feel like I still need to get to know him.
He reassures me that I don’t have to be scared of him.
How he has honorable intentions towards me and if I gave him my heart, he would do everything possible to take care of and nurture it. He says he would do what ever it took to cultivate and maintain the relationship to keep the potential of it being something wonderful and lasting.
I already know this.
Even though it’s only been a week.
And I’ve seen him a total of four times.
That is what terrifies me.
Because what if I’m not ready?
Plus, it’s too soon.
What if I think I fall in love with him and then become fickle and break his heart?
What if someone else comes along?
What if I don’t want anything serious?
What if I’m just learning how to be okay in being alone and this is going to mess it up?
I remind myself that “what if’s” never did anyone any good.
And I don’t need to make a decision right now.
I don’t have to decide tomorrow, or next week or even two weeks or a month from now.
There is no rush.
I just need to take it one day at a time.
So breathe, Samantha.
Good things don’t have to be complicated.