The Artist, The Sex Boy, and the Dating Sweet Spot

Is it possible that I’m hitting the dating sweet spot?

Because I feel like something has shifted significantly for me over this last week.

As I mentioned, I’ve been working really, really hard on my attachment issues and boundaries within the realm of dating.

All this work has been internal, fighting my thoughts and perceptions and learning how to just be alone without feeling lonely.

I’ve had brief periods of time where I’ve accomplished this in the past year, only to crash and burn a couple of days later.

During those brief periods, the feeling of being “okay on my own” felt like work, like I was willing myself to feel that way.

This is different.

I’ve been feeling free.

At ease.

Comfortable.

Dare I say, even a tad content?

These feelings, they are coming to me naturally.

Effortlessly.

It has nothing to do with my circumstances.

Quite frankly, my circumstances are about the same, except there is added stress at work which has been looming over me.

This change is from inside of me.

Whoa… right?!?

Now, I realize it’s only been a week, but the nature of this change is so vastly different from before that I am confident in it’s lasting power.

I can’t explain it, I just feel it in my bones.

The way I feel about dating right now is more like it’s something I want to do if it happens.

It’s not a necessity.

I don’t feel the need to seek that type of relationship out.

Because I’m feeling good all on my own.

I haven’t heard from Mr. Awkward.

Usually I would freak out and feel panicked and over think why he hasn’t contacted me, assume he’s disappeared forever, and think of a million reasons why he has disappeared.

Around Friday I was expecting to hear something from him, but I got nothing. I found that pesky old anxiety starting to creep in and then I slapped myself (figuratively, not literally) and erased his messages.

If he wants to contact me, he will.

If not, I’m okay with that.

I’m okay with it because that last encounter we had was all my choice, with no expectations for anything more.

It was a good experience and that’s all I wanted.

In fact, I find myself feeling more and more at ease with just enjoying good experiences without expectations.

Because I don’t need anything to work out.

I’m good with where I’m at.

I had a date yesterday with this guy who’s training to qualify for the Olympics in Rio. We went to see that Jesse Owens movie, “Run”.

Nice guy, great shape, but there was just no connection.

I was all dressed up and didn’t feel like just lounging at home after saying goodbye, plus I was starving, so I decided to take myself out for dinner.

I’ve done this before but like I said, it’s felt more forced than truly enjoyable.

I went to downtown Claremont, a place I haven’t really explored, parked and just walked around, looking for a place that struck my appetite.

I found a lively, not too crowded bar/restaurant, settled in, and just enjoyed it.

I was fully present.

No anxiety, no wandering eye looking for someone interesting, no checking my phone obsessively every 5 minutes; I just enjoyed sitting there and eating my delicious meal.

By myself.

I’m great company.

I got contacted by a 40 year old artist on OkC towards the end of my meal. We live in the same city.

I had spoken to him before about 4 months ago and we had much in common, but we were both looking for something serious and he doesn’t want children and I do. Absolute deal breaker.

This time around, he just ended a semi-serious relationship and isn’t wanting anything like that at the moment and I’m in a place where I’m just enjoying the dating experience and after talking for a bit, we decided to meet just to see if there would be a connection, knowing it could never be beyond short term.

So we met last night at a local bar.

He had a beer, I had iced tea.

I connect very well with older men.

Older men also tend to get smitten with me and rather quickly. I suppose it’s because they have been around longer and are more certain in what they are looking for in a woman.

He is average looking, not very tall (5’7) but he is very gentlemanly. He opened doors for me, asked to hold my hand, gave me his jacket because I was cold and had fantastic manners.

While I’m not completely attracted to him physically, I enjoyed our conversation and being able to connect with another creative person. That is very attractive to me.

At the end of our date, he said he would very much like to see me again.

I was honest and shared that I was still unsure how I felt about him but I would also like to see him again because I like to give people a fair chance.

He understood and appreciated it.

He kissed me and damn, he is a good kisser!

I’d forgotten what it was like to kiss another passionate kisser.

Yummy.

He already contacted me this morning and we are going to meet up this evening.

He called me “Miss Enchantment”.

Well, if the title fits…ha, ha!

I’ve also been talking to this other guy who contacted me on OkC about 2 days ago.

He’s right up my alley: 30 yrs old, tall, nerdy glasses, tattoos, cute.

He is also sex starved.

It’s been 6 months for him.

He’s dying for it.

Which brings me to our conversations.

I have stopped flirting with guys online or engaging in anything but polite conversation because I don’t want to invest only to meet them in person and realize there’s no connection.

There are some guys, however, I can just tell our chemistry is going to be off the charts.

It’s in the way they talk and how I respond (privately) to it that I just know I’m going to like them.

He is one of those guys.

He talks very sexually to me and while I talk about sex, I am not sexting him.

I will talk about what I like and don’t like.

That’s all.

I have told him that I won’t engage in anything else until we meet and I decide whether I like him or not.

He wants to know when we can meet.

Honestly, it sounds like fun.

All that pent up sexual energy from him and my insatiable appetite…MMMMMHMM

It’s different from Mr. K because Mr. K called the shots and was not open to things progressing into something more (although it was very obvious we both were attached to each other on a deeper level).  He was also not affectionate in the least and not into pleasing.

This guy, well, let’s just say I’m in charge and he is willing to cater to me.

And he is also open to a relationship, if it happens to progress that way.

So far, I tell him my boundaries and he accepts them.

No guilt trips, no pouting. (Mr. K was great at both of those things)

I told him that I wanted him to take me out because I’m not just going to hook up and have sex right off (me setting my boundaries) and he asked me what I would prefer to do.

I said dinner because I want to get to know him.

He said okay.

He asked me to “share special pictures” with him.

I refused, he asked pretty please, I refused again, he said “okay”.

This is how our conversations go.

Yup, this is going to be fun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

9 responses to “The Artist, The Sex Boy, and the Dating Sweet Spot

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