Is there something about me that says, “Let’s skip the pleasantries and go straight to sex?”
I don’t even get offered dinner.
Or a movie.
Sometimes I don’t even get a name.
Why do I attract soooooooo many horn dogs?
Just this morning, I received a message on OkC from this guy.
It said, “Hey there. How are you? You’re very pretty btw.”
I responded “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
He replied, “Sit on my face ;)”
Okay, Mr. Super Hot 27 year old with a 12 pack and gorgeously sculpted thighs (I have a thing for muscular thighs) I get that you can probably look at a girl and she’ll toss her panties at you, but it is 8:30 am, I am still in bed barely waking up (more on that later) and I don’t even know your name.
I just replied, “Wow, you don’t waste any time.”
“Lol. No I don’t.”
Sitting on a handsome face sounds absolutely divine, but 1) 27 yrs old + super hot= he’s gonna hit and quit it like a hot potato (if it even went as far as him wanting to actually meet. He might have just wanted some sexting for a rise and then disappear) and 2) I want a relationship, complete with passion, connection, and intimacy. Being super hot doesn’t automatically get me all heated up.
So I replied, “I would like to get to know you first,” knowing that this would be the end of the conversation.
I also included, “You probably have no trouble getting women to take you up on that offer, but as tempting as you are, I am looking for a relationship.”
Goodbye to any chance I had with Super Hot and his thunderous thighs.
I won’t even go into detail about the guy from Ireland I was snap chatting with over the weekend and how sexually crazy that got real quick, but then he dropped me without warning once he saw me without makeup (guess it ruined the illusion for him. Other guys have asked or have seen me without makeup and were still attracted to me after because apparently I don’t look like two different people, but oh, well)
Or Mr. Awkward and his messages of wanting to “fuck” me or wanting me to ride him (despite me telling him directly that I would not have sex with him again or fool around anymore because it doesn’t work for me.)
There’s the 23 year old who wanted my opinion of his dick.
And lots of other explicit things I’ve been told by men that I’ve never met before and just shared a few messages with, which I’ve probably blocked out of my head.
Seriously, I tone it down for you all.
If I didn’t, my site would be rated NC-17.
I also keep getting lots of inquiries for hook ups and friends with benefits.
That’s always a no.
I am a hopeless romantic at heart with a naughty streak.
What am I doing wrong when I can’t even get a proper dinner date?
Or like multiple dates with one decent guy?
Or even meet a decent guy?
Or talk to one…consistently.
Am I just pretty enough to hit and quit but not enough to want to keep around?
Is it because I don’t look like a model that these men think I will swoon and jump at the chance for their cheap sex?
And when I have gone along for the ride because maybe I was feeling frisky or wanting some fun, they get their satisfaction and drop off the planet like aliens abducted them.
I’m not a sex toy.
I don’t believe I present myself to be one.
It’s not me, it’s not me, it’s not me.
Or is it?
I don’t even know anymore.
I had a rough couple of days and that’s why I hadn’t written.
Something sad at work that triggered my own personal issues with loss of control, trust, and abandonment.
There was also more dating bullshit that isn’t even worth explaining.
Then my sister had her wedding and I’m happy for her, but it was exhausting.
So I took today off because I’ve been running on low for a while and I know if I don’t take time to regroup and just be by myself, I will crash and burn.
I am okay now.
I’m riding the waves of loneliness and frustration, actively fighting off those pesky negative thoughts and feelings of hopelessness.
But I know the fight is worth it.