Let’s talk about weight…

“It’s ok. You’re fat.”

This is the response I received from a bitter rejectee on OkC today after I sent a message back to his original one thanking him for his compliments but telling him sorry, I’m not interested but good luck in your search.

His initial message had been a paragraph about how beautiful, unique and amazing I was.

Nothing shows true character like rejection.

Two thoughts came up for me.

One, I patted myself on the back for making the right call in not wasting time on this guy.

Two, I was grateful that I don’t suffer from poor body image or low self-esteem because that could have devastated me if I did.

I think about how many women I’ve known and heard of who suffer from horrible insecurities around their bodies and how one of them might have taken such a low jab to their core.

I am in no way skinny or thin.

But I also know I am in no way obese.

Either way, to throw “fat” in someone’s face as an insult is despicable.

I have been on opposite ends of the spectrum.

I was incredibly thin growing up, until my junior year of college when I finally started gaining a little bit of weight.

I was so thin, in fact, that people thought I had an eating disorder.

That couldn’t have been further from the truth.

 

Me on the right. About 115lbs, 18 years old

I had an incredibly high metabolism and I was severely depressed.

 

You figure it out.

 

Me in the middle.  Same age and weight

Once I got on medication and became more emotionally stable, I started gaining weight.

 

And kept gaining.

And gaining.

The highest I got was 200lbs.

 

Summer 2014. Yes, that is Sarah McLachlan on the left. One of my idols. 🙂

At that weight, I felt more self conscious about my body, mostly because my family had made a big stink about me gaining weight and I stopped being able to fit in the clothes that I liked.

The weight gain was largely due to increased eating out, lack of exercise, slowed metabolism, and my ex-wife and I picking up bad eating habits from each other.

The stress and anxiety of separating with and divorcing my ex killed my appetite and in two months I lost 20lbs.

Over the next few months after that, I lost another 15, also because of the stress and depression that came with adjusting to my new life.

I am currently 165lbs, give or take 2-3lbs, a size 12 in US clothing.

I have naturally decreased my portion sizes because my stomach shrunk after losing that much weight and I am maintaining it with occasional exercise and being a little more careful about what I am eating and how much.

 

Me, at the end of December 2015 with my friends. That’s Van Gogh in the background, Irises

I know for a woman announcing your weight and clothing size is a mortal sin.

 

I should be horrified and lie about it.

But why?

I’m comfortable with where I am at.

There’s nothing wrong with my body.

Yes, I could stand to lose a few pounds and my tummy needs some toning, but overall, I wouldn’t change anything else about it.

I don’t even want to lose weight.

The lowest clothing size I would be comfortable being in is a size 10, roughly 150lbs for me at my height (5’5)

Anything else would be too thin for me.

I would forever be battling with my body, unable to just enjoy where it’s at.

I love that I have curves now.

I don’t have any health issues.

I don’t have back, stomach , or knee problems.

I am comfortable being naked, even in front of someone else.

I don’t have Spanx or special undergarments to hide and pull things in.

What you see is what you get.

And the best part is, I am still deemed attractive by many men (and women 😉).

Men who have seen me naked.

Men who are in great shape and have muscular bodies.

Men who appreciate that I am comfortable in sharing my soft, lush body with them.

I know how to dress myself to accentuate and compliment my figure.

I am at a place where I can fit into things I like and  feel good about it.

That’s all that matters.

How you feel about yourself.

So that guy, with his nasty comment, can go fuck himself and his bruised ego.

To all my women in various shapes and sizes, your comfort, health, and confidence in your body makes you beautiful.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.