I’ve never been very good at restricting myself.
I’m a bit impulsive and luckily for me, I’ve never had the urge to do anything super reckless or stupid.
I don’t do diets.
I don’t believe in them, I figure moderation and portion sizes is a good way to live.
I eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m satisfied.
I hate working out but started up again because 1) it keeps my energy up and is good for me, 2) I don’t want to lose any muscle mass, 3) I want to continue eating whatever I want without fluctuating in my weight too much.
Then there’s sex.
Before I was married, I didn’t have sex so I didn’t know what I was missing. Ignorance is a beautiful thing. I’m actually really glad I waited.
I found one person I was dedicated to and who was dedicated to me and we had sex whenever it struck our fancy.
When I turned 30, my sex drive went way up and that was okay because again, I was married and had someone to do something about it with.
Fast forward to now.
I’m 34 with an amazing sex drive and no one to share it with.
This fucking sucks!!!!!
On top of figuring out how dating works in this fucked up modern society, I have to reign in the sex vibes I apparently give off (read more about that here)
If you’ve been reading me for a minute, you know I’m very sexual, sensual, and uninhibited. This is apparently not working in my favor with the dating scene because when lots of men see me and all they think of is “sex”. (this has been my experience so far, at least)
They don’t even have to meet me, my pictures alone turn them on. They aren’t even sexy pictures!!!!!!!! I wouldn’t say this except I hear it over and over and over again. (I mean, shit, have you read my compliment’s series?!? Those are just a fraction of the things I’ve been told) Is this common? I don’t know what’s normal anymore.
Anyway, for my own good, I’m trying to reign in the sex instincts.
I don’t have sex just to have sex. I have sex if I like the person. It’s not even a physical attraction type of motivator. I can’t see someone and think “They are hot, I want to have sex with them.” I have to connect with them on an emotional level, even if it’s not on a really deep one yet.
However, I realize you can connect with lots of people emotionally and sometimes that primal instinct blurs things into feeling like you like them more than you actually do because the “little lady” really just wants to get some.
But then the crazy comes out (theirs, not mine) and then I beat myself up and think “You should have waited longer before having sex with them. It wasn’t even worth it.”
So now I’m trying to put myself on a sex diet.
I didn’t have sex for a year and it fucking sucked and then in true diet relapse, once I felt ready to have sex again, I binged and now I’m here.
The binging just gave me mediocre sex and disappointment.
Maybe I shouldn’t think of it as a diet. Maybe just as portion control. Or fasting. I don’t know.
I just know I have to wait waaaaaaaaaaay longer to have sex with the next guy, which I was trying to do in the first place but failed miserably at.
I’m tired of the crazy coming out AFTER the deed is done.
This is bullshit.