I feel lost.
It has nothing to do with me living without you, I know I can and I am doing it.
I just feel lost in life.
I can talk to my friends about it and it helps some.
But the person that evokes that feeling of true comfort inside me is you.
You are the person I want to talk to, to hear from, to be reassured by.
I don’t know why that is, since I didn’t know you for very long.
Truth is, I said goodbye to the one person who knew me inside and out for 13 years and I never thought I’d find that type of unconditional love and acceptance in a partner again.
She knew everything about me and accepted it, until I started growing too fast for her.
She eventually stopped really seeing and understanding me, the new, evolved version of me.
That’s when it ended.
And then I found you.
Or rather, destiny drew us together.
You accepted and loved the new, evolved me, in addition to my past.
I accepted and loved you unconditionally, even while knowing all that I knew.
I felt completely safe being emotionally naked with you, who was virtual stranger to me.
I know you felt the same way.
The connection we shared, it doesn’t happen every day.
I miss it.
I don’t know how many different ways I can write how much I miss you.
Just when I think I’ve used all the words up, more come.
The same is true of my love for you.
Just when I think it’s dwindling down, that I’m moving on, it rushes at me like a giant wave.
I don’t spend my time thinking about you.
I try to go along my business, doing what is necessary to keep moving.
But you are always there, lurking in the shadows of my day.
I don’t know how to be free of you.
You let me go but I am not released.
I feel like a prisoner in my own heart.
These letters are the only relief I get.
Sending you my love through written words floating aimlessly in the air, hoping they will somehow find you.
Maybe someday I will read these and feel foolish for being so enamored with you.
Or maybe someday I will have moved on but a part of me will still feel the exact same way.
Great loves never really die no matter how hard you try to kill them.