What are you wearing?

What I usually look like when I’m asked that question

 

This is something every single guy who has ever tried to sext or have phone sex with me starts the conversation out with.

Their “big” move.

Usually it comes out of nowhere.

We could be talking about the fucking weather and then, “what are you wearing?”

Yes, because I have nothing better in life to do than lay around in lingerie hoping that a guy will call or text me and ask that exact question.

Usually I’m annoyed at the transition and I’ll say something smart assed like “clothes” or “pajamas”.

There was one time where I was just out of a shower when this idiot who thought he was smooth texted me, “what are you wearing?”

I was stark naked and I half looked around to see if he was peeking through my patio window or something because his timing was incredible.

I acted stupid and asked him why he wanted to know.

He got all embarrassed and left it alone.

Honestly, that’s the worst question to ask ever if you want to get a woman hot and bothered.

Unless she is waiting for your call and you have a relationship where the possibility is that she will be wearing something sexy while talking/texting you, don’t ask that fucking question.

Men are stupid.

First of all, don’t try it with a girl you just started talking to, unless it’s understood in the nature of the relationship.

If you want to woo a girl into getting all “sexy” with you, you have to be sensual about it and ease her into it.

Start off with teasing and innuendo.

Compliment her and tell her how much you want to kiss and hold her.

Then slowly get into the more sensual stuff, describing how you’d softly touch this and kiss that.

Romance, guys, romance! (unless she’s given you the indication that she wants otherwise)

You will know if she’s in the mood by the way she responds to that.

And that’s when you introduce the “what are you wearing” question and instruct her to slowly take it off (even if it’s fucking jogging pants because what she is wearing doesn’t matter at that point)

Don’t get me started on how inadept most men are in giving sexy instructions, either.

Honestly.

I swear, I should be a lesbian.

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

13 responses to “What are you wearing?

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