There is no one in the world I want to talk to more than I want to talk to you.
I long for you in ways I can’t even believe myself.
I spoke about you today, about what happened, something I haven’t talked about in a long time.
It surprised me how sad I still feel when recounting our story.
This love affair feels like it happened ages ago.
But really, it’s only been 6 months since we last had contact.
I have tried deleting you from my life.
The first to go were the texts and video messages.
There are phrases and words you said in them that continue to linger in my memory.
Then I deleted your photos.
Although each image is still stamped into a wrinkle of my brain.
Then I deleted your voice messages, the ones I heard over and over again to soothe the ache.
Even so, I can recall your voice as easily as I recall the sound of my own.
But I absolutely cannot delete the emails.
They chronical our accidental journey, provide proof that you existed, and most importantly, they are full of beautiful words.
The writer in me loves the writer in you.
Each word was written out of passion, desperation, and absolute longing.
Each letter painstakingly dipped in love.
I know how powerful being a muse can be, I loved reading what I alone inspired in you.
It was glorious.
So I cannot bring myself to erase such works of art.
Masterpieces painted specifically for my heart.
Those emails are tucked away in a file under your name.
There they will stay.
Maybe for forever.
I don’t know if anyone will ever love your words the way I did and still do.
You spoke my language.
You wooed me with your talent.
And even though they are words that were written by a ghost,
They are still as real to me as anything I’ve ever known to be true.
I deeply miss you.
How you haunt me so.