I deserve better

I got my first booty call (text really) at 2:50am this morning.

It was random and completely unsolicited.

And no, it was neither Mr. K or Mr. Adorbs.

It was a relative stranger.

This guy messaged me on OKC on Sunday and asked me for my number rather quickly which I don’t mind since I like when guys take initiative.

He texted me and even called me briefly that same day.

He’s cute, not someone I’d normally seek out, but whatever.

This is dating right?

Anyway, he tried to be flirty and suggestive, but since I played like I didn’t understand what he was getting at, he got embarrassed and would say, “Nevermind, I was just teasing you.”

He even went as far to text “you are a lady and I want to treat you like one.”

Aww… yeah right, I didn’t believe that for a second.

So yesterday he texted me around 9pm asking me what I was doing and apologizing for disappearing the night before when we were texting because he fell asleep.

I replied that I was writing.

He asked me if I was a writer and I replied that yes, it’s something I do as a hobby.

Then the texts stopped.

I went to bed around 1am because I was packing to leave for my parents house, which I am leaving to shortly after I write this.

I woke up around 4:30am (I still have trouble staying asleep completely during the night and usually wake up between 3-4:30am, partially because my body is still painfully aware of the different time zone of certain persons). Whenever I wake up, I check my phone because usually I’ll have some notifications from wordpress or whatnot.

But I had a text from this guy: “Hey, what’s up? Come over to my house?”

At 3am?!?

What the fuck?!?

First of all, that was random.

Secondly, did he really think I’d leave my warm, soft bed to drive 40 minutes away to hook it up with him?

Thirdly, I never gave him any indication that I was even wanting to go there with him.

Fourthly, he lives with his dad. I’m not fucking 17 years old to be sneaking into someone’s parent’s house to get it on and then sneak out. Gross.

Fifthly, we’ve never even had a real conversation.

Sixthly, I deserve more.

Anyway, my smart ass sent him a text this morning saying “Good morning, was that a booty call?”

Because shit like that needs to be called out and cut off.

Here is where I’m at in all of this dating ridiculousness:

I deserve way more than what I’m getting and what I’ve accepted.

I meant it when I told my friend Emma that I’m going to change my approach to dating.

I’ve backed way off.

I stopped pursuing Mr. Adorbs and am letting him come to me. I’m not holding my breath for whenever he decides to come around. He’s in touch, he’s just very slow and sporadic about it. He’s still a gentleman, which I appreciate very much and that is why I’m being patient with him. But I’m leaving my options open because you can never trust anything in the dating game.

Mr. K is no longer an option. I like him too much and can’t be flirty friends like we’ve been doing and I’ve told him as much because I’m going to get hurt. In all honesty, I let him get away with a lot, pushing many of my personal boundaries, especially around sex talk. He’s a good guy, but not the best. And definitely not what I deserve. We make good friends and great sex companions, but he would be a horrible partner for me. So friends it is. No more slipping up and giving into our sexual chemistry. He understands and respects this.

As for any future guy who wants to get at me, well, he’s going to have to pursue me. And romance me. Treat me like I’m someone special.  Because I am.

I know I’ve said something to this effect before. No more bullshit, blah, blah, blah. But I mean it this time. I’m tired of being disappointed, mostly in myself for accepting less than I’m worth.

I’ve recently reconciled with being lonely. I know that while it hurts and is painful, I can live through it and it’s never as bad as it seems to be in the moment. At this point in my life, I’d rather be painfully lonely than keep accepting scraps of leftover attention and affection.

Plus, I’m not really alone. It feels that way because there’s something about not having romantic love that makes you feel incomplete, but really, I have some pretty fantastic people in my life.

I have friends. Friends who I’m grateful for and enjoy having me around. Friends who validate me and think I’m super cool, which is flattering beyond belief.  I get to hang out with Erica and her children, who love when I visit and get all excited and want all my attention. Even their dog loves me.

I have a nephew who thinks I’m the funnest person in the world and is just like me in his personality, even though he’s only 3.

I have parents and siblings that love me, even if it’s not perfect, it’s the best it’s ever been.

So yeah, I cry, I get lonely, I wish I had someone special. But I’m not alone. Not really. And that’s what helps me remember that I deserve to be with someone who cares about me as much as my friends and family do.

So fuck you booty call guy…I deserve so much better.







About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

10 responses to “I deserve better

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