1 year

Today marks one full year from when I separated with my ex-wife.

The day my world as I knew it crumbled apart.

I remember spending the day sobbing, not knowing what to do or where to go next.

Feeling completely lost and alone.

I never would have imagined all that this past year would encompass and how I would survive to write this post in the condition I’m currently  in.

I am surprisingly okay today.

Bordering happy, even.

Yesterday I was driving to my nephew’s birthday party (which was a 2 hour drive) and this sense of complete happiness and contentment with who I am swept over me, making me smile.

I am exactly who I am meant to be, right this moment.

This has been the hardest year of my life, hands down.

A year of grief, heartbreak, loneliness, adjustments, and loss.

It’s also been a year of firsts.

The first time living completely on my own.

The first time making real, genuine, be-there-for-you-no-matter-what friends.

The first time I ended a marriage.

The first time spending holidays alone.

The first time I went out on my own, to concerts, parties, whatever I felt like going to, all by myself.

The first time getting a tattoo.

The first time I dated, like real, grown-up dating.

The first time I tried online dating.

The first time I kissed a boy.

The first time I had phone sex.

The first time I had video sex.

The first time I found out what dick pics were.

The first time I had sex with a man.

The first time waking up to someone I barely knew.

The first time I fell in love with a man.

The first time I was the other woman.

The first time I got my heartbroken.

The first time talking and writing about sex openly.

The first time being called sexy by more than one person.

The first time being completely comfortable in and with my body.

The first time really exploring my writing.

The first time connecting with strangers through writing.

The first time being recognized and admired at work.

The first time I felt like an actual adult.

The first time I felt 100% me.

2015 will forever be the year of firsts.

I’m looking forward the this coming year.

I have a good feeling about 2016.







About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

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