When I was married, I thought being single sounded like fun.
Why is it that I thought there were so many more decent, single guys out there than there seems to be now?
Why did it seem like I had more opportunities to actually meet someone else back then?
Is that the grass is greener on the other side syndrome?
I wonder if I will be seen as a complete human being to someone special again.
Has the internet just made us into products to be used and discarded, then repackaged and used again?
Does anyone really mean what they say anymore?
Am I looking in the wrong places?
Am I not looking enough?
Am I looking too much?
Is this normal?
Why does it seem like there are 100 assholes to 1 decent guy?
Is this the single life now?
Or has it always been this way?
How do people find one another in this bullshit?
I used to think I knew what type of woman I was.
I swore up and down that I could and would never hook up.
I had strict moral and ethical boundaries.
I was even a bit judgey of my single girlfriends.
How humble experience has made me.
I find myself having a bit of an identity crisis.
I don’t know what I’m capable of anymore.
Obviously, I’ve underestimated myself and my capacity to get myself into all sorts of sticky predicaments.
Things I have learned about myself:
- I can detach pretty well when it comes to sex and going through the motions (this is scary to me)
- I am most definitely a risk taker and I put my money where my mouth is
- I am much more liberal in my approach to life than I realized
- I am intense and assertive (I didn’t realize how much so)
- I have a much higher sex drive than I thought
- I didn’t realize I had such a potty mouth
- I struggle with balancing my innate sense of sensuality and yet not wanting to be objectified because of it
- I lose myself in the person I love without even realizing it (scary. I really need to work on this)
- Feeling special to one person is super important to me (again, this is scary to me. I need to work on this too)
- I am an adult woman (for a long time, I didn’t feel that way. I felt like a pretend adult. But I realize that the rest of the world recognizes me as such and treats me this way, so I should too.)