Given all of my dating blunders over the past several months, it’s easy to go down that road of “What’s wrong with me?”
I almost did that today, but then I thought to myself, “There’s no fucking way I’m taking responsibility for this shit!”
Because really, it’s not me, it’s you.
You were the narcissistic asshole.
You were the one who was unavailable.
You were the liar.
You were the immature one.
You were the one who said one thing and did another.
You were the robot.
You were the boring one.
You were the one who disappeared.
You were too intimidated.
You were inappropriate.
You were the one only looking for what he could take.
In all of this, with all of these guys, I have been nothing but honest, genuine, straightforward, caring, and sweet.
There is abso-fucking-lutely nothing wrong with me!
You hear that you fuckers?!?
I know I’m not perfect.
I’m impulsive, intense, blunt, sarcastic, stubborn and curse like a sailor when I’m angry or passionate.
But I’m also mentally stable (mostly), levelheaded, clever, and have a healthy sense of boundaries and social norms.
I say what I mean and I do what I say.
I am not the problem.
I just need to repeat this to myself over and over again especially as I keep getting knocked down and disappointed.
Everything inside of me wants to hide away and run from all of the bullshit but every time I quit, I have to start all over again.
I’m tired of starting over.
I might as well keep ploughing through.
But some days I might just need to vent and say “FUCK!”
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUUUUUUUCK!!