50 Shades of Sam

So are you guys ready for another episode of The Surreal Life of Sam?

Settle in, this one’s long but interesting.

I have been incredibly distracted lately.

Reason why: Mr. Hot.

Yes, this is another tale of me getting fucked over somehow.

Okay, so you all know how I had that meltdown last Sunday?

Well, I needed a few days to recuperate and by Wednesday I was feeling a little better.

I was ready to give up on the whole dating thing (again) but I decided to plow through because something has to give and I need to stop giving up.

Wednesday night I found Mr. Hot and this other guy on OkCupid. The other guy was totally sweet and asked me out on a date right away and  on the date was completely respectful and bought me flowers, but there was no chemistry at all. (Like, he ended the date pretty quickly, saying he needed to wake up early in the morning then texted me afterwards telling me he had a good time and then gave me an out by asking if I wanted to keep chatting or if it was better that we parted ways. I wonder if he thought I was not very interested because he was a major nerd and shorter than me. I just got this hunch. Anyway, I said that I enjoyed talking to him but it was better that we parted ways.)

When I’m interested in someone on a site, which has been far and few in this internet dating experience, I will send a message saying “Hi, I’m Samantha”. Nothing complicated, just letting them know I’m interested if they are.

I don’t always get a response, in fact, I’ve gotten very few responses. (But a shit load of messages from men I would not date)

So when Mr. Hot responded back saying “Hi Samantha. I think you are very, very beautiful and interesting. I would like to know much more about you” I was a little surprised. Okay, a lot surprised.

Time out: let me describe Mr. Hot to you.

On his profile, he had one picture of him in a dress shirt in an office setting, but you could tell he was very built from the way his shirt fit and his face is very attractive.

I’ve seen my share of attractive men on this site so that’s not the only thing that drew me in. It was really what he wrote on his profile about not being the most attractive, funny, cool, etc man out there but how he was willing to do whatever to make the right woman laugh, and how he wanted a partner, and blah, blah, blah.

He’s 6’3, 40 years old but looks like he’s 25, built like a Greek god, has the face of one too, and is from the Netherlands. Now, I’m not generally the type of woman who’s attracted to conventionally handsome men (pretty faces and big muscles aren’t a requirement for me) but this guy is absolutely gorgeous. He sent me a picture on Saturday without a shirt on and my first reaction was “Fuck!” Then, “Is this real life?”  For a while I thought he might be catfishing me because there’s no way such a beautiful man would be interested in me, but it turns out, he is a real guy. I have proof, I think. I have his phone numbers, pictures of him, I’ve talked to him on the phone, I know the city he lives in and his stories and personal history are consistent.

We started messaging back and forth this past Thursday.

He was very quizative and interested in what I had to say and I connected to the things he had to say.

So far so good.

We exchanged phone numbers and started texting.

In the middle of the day on Thursday he abruptly stopped texting me and so I sent him a message at the end of the day telling him that if he’s not interested anymore, that he could just tell me and I would stop contacting him. (I’m really straightforward)

He texted me early on Friday assuring me that was not the case and that he was very interested in me.

We texted ALL day Friday.

During our conversation, I mentioned that I wanted to talk to him on the phone.

He said he was shy because he has a heavy Dutch accent and many women have been put off by it.

I said that people from the US can be rude and stupid.

He finally agreed to talk to me, stating, “I might as well know my fate” (meaning I might reject him and he might as well find out if that’s the case)

Sure enough, he did have a thick accent that needed some getting used to, but didn’t deter me or my interest.

This made him incredibly happy and he declared that he wanted to talk to me the whole night.

(Side note: within a minute of hearing me, he told me I had a nice voice. That it was very sexy. My voice and it’s effect on men is another post waiting to be written)

I talked to him about wanting to meet in person, but he shied away from it, saying he had never done internet dating before so it would take him some time to be comfortable with meeting me. But that he definitely wanted to and it would happen in time.

I thought this was odd and began to suspect that maybe I was being catfished somehow.

Here’s where it starts to get very 50 Shades of Grey-like.

We have had three arguments/misunderstandings since talking and we aren’t even dating.

Saturday morning I asked him for a picture because I didn’t believe he was a real human being.

He sent me two pictures, both in which he looks like a male model.

I kinda stared at them in disbelief for a little bit because the whole time we were talking, he was telling me how beautiful I was, when clearly, he’s the beautiful one.

I mention to him that he is very handsome and that I was surprised that he was talking to me.

He asked me why and I explained that he could find someone more attractive because I’m hardly a model.

His response was, “Wait, am I looking for a model? I don’t remember writing that in my profile.”

I said he hadn’t and conceded, explaining how I just felt lucky that he was talking to me.

Apparently this upset him and he started ignoring my texts after this.

After much prompting and pleading,  he finally responded and was short with me, saying things like, “You have no idea how I feel.”

After much more coaxing and smooth talking on my part, I got him to admit how he felt hurt because he thought that I didn’t believe that he liked me.

After much reassurance that I did in fact believe him, he finally got over it and became very lovey dovey, stating he didn’t have plans besides talking to me all evening.

That was conflict #1

Saturday night happened to be my date with the other guy.

I was getting ready for it when Mr. Hot texted me asking what I was doing.

I said I was getting ready to meet a “friend” (part of me knew telling him it was a date wouldn’t go over well)

He asked, “A date?” and because I didn’t want to lie, I replied “Yes”.

No response.

I asked, “Are you okay?” to which he replied, “Just go on your date.”

Sigh.

In summary, he told me that I was trying to play with his heart and how he had been turning down women from the site because he only wanted to talk to me and meet me and yet, here I was, telling him I was going on a date. He said, “If your date goes well, what am I? I don’t want to get hurt.”

I tried explaining that this date was set up before I started talking to him and that I don’t play games, but he would not have any of it.

Then he started ignoring my texts.

I was upset about it the rest of the night, frustrated and worried even though I knew it was ridiculous.

That was conflict #2

The next morning, Sunday, I texted him a good morning, hoping he would respond.

He did, although his response was very short and pointed.

He told me that he wouldn’t control me and I could meet other guys when I told him I would not go on any other dates until we met.

He then asked me how the date went and when I told him that I was not interested in the guy, he became more relaxed and told me he missed me too (I had told him that I missed him) and admitted that he had not been himself.

He became very lovey again, telling me to “Drive safe, sweetie” when I told him I was going to church.

After church, I still wasn’t convinced he was who he said he was, so I asked for another picture of him in real time while talking to me.

He sent me this:

Fuuuuuuck

I asked him if he ever wears shirts because all the pictures he sent me are of him shirtless.

He said he doesn’t when he’s at home.

He told me that he had uploaded more pictures of himself on OKCupid.

(I checked and he had. He was wearing shirts in all of them.)

I joked with him saying, ” You did that so that you can meet more women?”

He said, “No, I did it last night when I thought I might lose you because of your date.”

(Another, “Is this real life? moment)

He asked me for a picture of myself in real time and even though I felt like Raggedy Ann compared to him, I complied.

I warned him that I was not very photogenic.

He asked why and I told him because my pictures don’t always turn out so good.

He asked me for more and upon review said, “Ummm, you’re gorgeous.”

I couldn’t’ help but think, “Is this real life?” yet again.

I wanted to talk to him on the phone and even though he doesn’t like to because of his accent, he called me, stating that he “would do anything” to make me happy.

While on the phone, the sex question came up.

Here we go: conflict #3

He asked what I though about sex on the first date and I shared that I’ve had lots of negative experiences on first dates where that was all the men wanted. He listened and then shared that he has been getting lots of messages from women and wondered if it was just because they wanted him for the way he looks.

Then he asked me if we met and there was chemistry between us, if I would have sex with him. I told him I wasn’t sure but we would figure it out whenever we did meet. Then he asked if I have sent sexy pictures before. I said I have, but that I wasn’t comfortable doing so anymore. He started asking me if I would send him a picture and then got frustrated with his accent and wanted to go back to texting so I said okay.

In text, he accused me of thinking that he didn’t like me for me and that I thought he was just after sex  like the other men.

I told him that I did not think that, but I also didn’t know him very well and I didn’t want to get hurt.

He asked me why I didn’t want to send him sexy pictures then.

I asked him why couldn’t he just wait until we meet, but he said that he wouldn’t need them once we met, that he needed them now to appreciate them.

I continued to refuse and he started getting short with me, telling me “You have no idea how I feel” and then telling me that I have “too many walls up” and how I really didn’t have feelings for him.

I finally gave in and sent him two pictures of me in a bra. (Not my greatest pictures. BLAH. I wasn’t feeling it)

But that wasn’t what he wanted.

No, he send me a text telling me specifically, “Your nipples and pussy.”

I said no, that I was not comfortable with that and I didn’t care if he got  mad and stopped talking to me.

I said lots of other things too, but he had stopped responding.

Then this morning I sent him a “Good morning” text, figuring maybe he had cooled off.

I have a feeling he isn’t used to hearing the word “No”.

He responded but was very short with me, yet again.

I asked him if he still wanted to talk to me and he said “Am I not talking?”

Then he tried using reverse psychology on me, using what I texted him last night and saying that he didn’t deserve me because he was just like the other men and how it was always his fault. That it was his fault that he closed down his dating profile on OKCupid because of me even though we hadn’t met (I checked and he had deleted it) and how it was his fault for ignoring other women because of me.

Then he said I only care about myself and what I want and I could keep my pictures because they wouldn’t’ do him any good anymore. That if he wanted a picture and video, he knows where to go.

He then said internet dating wasn’t for him.

I asked him if he still wanted to talk to me and he said, “Why not, since things didn’t go well, we could be friends”

I told him I still liked him and wanted to meet him but I would respect what he wanted (man, I was groveling!) and he said thank you for accepting that and I would find a good man who would never ask me for those types of pictures.

I told him I would talk to him later and he replied “If I’m not busy.” (Which I knew he was saying to get back at me because he’s not working and has all kinds of time because he works for this Russian company where he works for like two months, gets a month off, and then does contract work as he wants. He’s an electrical engineer.)

Again, I groveled, telling him that I liked him and maybe it was good for us to be friends in order to get comfortable with each other.

He replied saying that I have no feelings for him and that I can’t even make him happy.

I told him that I do have feelings for him, to which he said, “Then why can’t you just make me happy for once” and told me how he called me yesterday just to make me happy and how he would do anything I asked of him just to make me happy. He also stated that when two people have feelings for each other, they should be willing to do anything to make each other happy.

I asked him how I could make him happy and he said by doing what he asked and to stop thinking that all he wanted was sex.

I explained that it was not personal, that sending naked pictures was against my morals (I just figured he would  understand that more than I’m just not comfortable with it)

His response: “Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to make your man happy.”

YES, he said that!

I asked why he even wanted the pictures and he replied “Because I want to see how sexy my woman is. I want to look at it before I go to bed and have something to wake up to everyday.”

I asked him how I was even his woman if we hadn’t met yet.

He said, “Because I believe in love at first sight.”

We went back and forth for awhile and  finally he said  he didn’t have time to argue and wanted to know if I was willing to do it for  him or not.

Okay, what would you do if you were in my place? Adonis type man wanting you, plain mere mortal? All you have to do is sell a piece of your soul. And send naked pictures, don’t forget those.

Yes, I considered it. You’ve seen him. Tempting as hell. But also, I’m just tired of things not working out. I’m sick of things almost happening, of trying and investing just for it to be just out of reach, fizzling before it even begins.

But what stopped me is that he doesn’t care that I’m uncomfortable. He’s asking me to compromise myself and we aren’t even dating. If I got involved with him, what else would he push me to do? Plus, who’s to say that he wouldn’t just drop me even if I did send him those pictures. He said he would meet me if I did, but that’s a lot to ask of someone you’ve never even met. I’ve been manipulated and hurt way too much to trust a total stranger’s word. And the way he deals with conflict is hurtful. He just shuts me out and blames me. It’s scary how controlling and manipulative he is.

And it’s even scarier how intoxicating I found it already. Even though he’s emotionally volatile, even though he stresses me out and I felt like I was walking on eggshells with him, I’m still drawn to him. His intensity is alluring. Being in his good graces feels good, he focuses all his attention on me, doting on me and wanting all of my attention.

So after some thought, I did what I knew I should do. I explained to him how I felt and that I simply was not comfortable compromising myself. He hasn’t responded. I suspect he won’t.

So here ends the tale of when I almost dated an Adonis. Or how I might have been catfished for no reason other than to fuck with my head and to try to get nude pictures out of me for who knows what even though you can google nude pictures of girls 10x hotter than me for free.

I try not to cry when I look at his picture…

Fuck my life.

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

36 responses to “50 Shades of Sam

  • Megan

    Whoah, hot is hot, I’ll give him that. But….if you hear from him again… Run. A mile.

    If you dated him you’d be a permanent resident in Crazyville before you knew it! x

    • samlobos

      lol! I know, it’s sooo tempting to get him back in my orbit, but there are so many red flags it would just be like running head first into a fire because I want to get burned.

  • listentothebabe

    Sam, he’s obviously mad. And not in a funny, endearing way… Hahaha! Don’t pick up his calls!

  • Scorpion Stings

    Alright, yeah, this whole thing is fucked up. Odds are, and I’m sorry to say this, you’re getting catfished. No worries though! Happened to me actually! Refer to my post, The Woodworker. And even if you’re not getting catfished, this is still so fucked up. He’s a sadistic, manipulative little fuck, and he probably has a small dick. Boom. You dodged a bullet!

  • My Made Up Hard Life

    Proud of you for showing your self worth. He sounds like a disgusting human being to pressure you like that. That is how Satan rolls, gives you the hot guy to tempt you. I agree with Scorpion Stings.

  • sonofabeach96

    This is just a guys opinion, and I’m by no means Adonis. But, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he didn’t care if you were uncomfortable. That’s a red flag. The comment about making sacrifices to make “your man happy” is another red flag. It’s up to you, of course, but if I were in his shoes, and wanted you like he says he did, he wouldn’t want you to feel anything but cherished. The facade of Adonis doesn’t mean the inside is just as pretty. You shouldn’t have to compromise yourself for anyone, especially one you’ve never even met in person. Be wary of this one, just my opinion.

  • datingwhilemarried

    Is always crazy when somone you have not met in person calls you his woman…lol…crazy insecure Greek God….!

  • quietlylurkingaround

    This guy is a walking red flag!!!! Honestly the traits of BPD are flowing out everywhere on this one. I agree with Megan run as fast as you can and don’t look back. Well maybe just a glance for the eye candy lol!!! Jk

  • Mahevash

    You made the right call. Great post.

  • Andy

    I’ll be honest, his photo doesn’t do anything for me. But you sure know how to find the crazies. Run.

  • Casual Procrastinator

    What an ass. Good on you for saying no.

  • Bill

    Ok. So I read this two nights ago. I gave this thing where I fall asleep downstairs while watching tv, and then I wake up and move to the bedroom upstairs to continue the glorious sleepy time. So anyways, two nights ago, I woke up way too much and couldn’t go back to sleep, and ended up reading this post. I decided not to comment, because I thought I might come off wrong. But now that the cat’s out of the bag, I thought I’d go ahead and make the comment…lol…it will be way less effective and much less insulting now that I’ve waited…😉. So, yeah, my first thought was that this guy was full of shit. He’s a fucking predator (probably) and I thought that maybe you were blinded by the Adonis-esque pictures he was perpetrating. But personality is everything. I actually lost even more sleep thinking about this fucking guy. I was thinking…SAM! Imagine this guy as an ugly, zitty kid saying these things to you. You’d be done with that shit in a flash. Admittedly, the picture half blinded me too, and I’m straight as an arrow. Anyway. That is all. Carry on. 😀

  • gentlekindness

    The one thing he said to you…that you have too many walls up and you really do have feelings for him….is a textbook narcissist tactic. Big red flags here.

    One.. He implies that you have mental issues with the “walls” comment

    Two…Who is he to tell you that your Boundaries are Walls? This is a way of getting through your boundaries by calling them something they are not.. .relabelling them as walls. Which is to make you feel guilty like you are hurting other people with you so called walls….bullshit.

    Three…He tells you what you are feeling about him….what right does he have to tell you how you feel as if you are incapable of assertaining how you really feel? This is gaslighting at its finest….telling you that he knows better how you feel than you do

    Four…he tells you at one point in this conversation that You are assuming that he is only interested in you for sex and how you look…..where did he get this from if you never said it? Guess where? From his own head because it is true.

    Narcissists will tell you something that is the opposite of the truth about them…the red flag is when it comes unsolicited from you…..they just suddenly tell you they are a nice guy or they are not a user like other guys….but you did not ask

    These are typical brainwashing tactics. Designed to put you into trance…a hypnotic state where suggestions go in more easily…

    One tactic is “presupposition” You can look up “influencing people presupposition technique”

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