I’m struggling with fighting off disgust and regret.
I’m embarrassed at how self-destructive I’ve become and how little value I placed on my sexual worth.
I’ve always held myself in high regard, knowing my worth and standing firm to it, but lately, I’ve been succumbing to the objectification that I’ve felt from these various men.
What it feels like to me is that I’m pretty enough to fuck or want to fuck, but not worth enough effort to get to know and value.
I know this is not true, I am so much more than my body or my face.
But this is the message I keep getting.
Over and over again.
And with this broken heart of mine, it’s hard to believe that there are good guys out there anymore.
I only hope that if I do ever find someone who values, appreciates, respects, and loves me and we have a kids, I want to love and nurture them so much that they are completely confident and content within themselves and don’t have to look outside for love and acceptance.
They will inherently know their worth and that will not waiver.
This is my only comforting thought.