So I went to the party that Erica invited me to yesterday and danced so much my big toes have been tingly all day.
Erica was one of the DJ’s, (it was a house party with several DJ’s).
Mariah joined us later.
Mariah is another co-worker and friend and is probably the sexiest woman I know.
She’s the type of girl all the guys seem to like, slender, nice figure, soft-brown skin, long hair, pretty face.
She’s super cool in that she’s not snobby with other girls.
Anyway, what makes her super sexy is that she is confident in her body and knows how to move it.
Mariah and I have a lot of similar ways of relating to people and thinking to where often during work meetings, something will be said and we will look at each other and know exactly what the other is thinking and then laugh.
We both also tend to have very distinctive, loud, hearty laughs.
So, of course most of the men stare at her at parties and clubs and I’ve seen literal jaws drop when she starts to dance.
She’s sort of like a Kim Kardashian type in that she takes a lot of selfies, has a instagram full of sexy pictures, and is aware of how sexy she is.
Anyway, us girls danced and sang along to the music together and it was fun.
Everyone was drinking except me, which makes for interesting observations.
There weren’t many single people there because it was mostly couples.
Anyway, the party dwindled down to a couple of people around 2am and I decided that I wanted to leave.
I was telling Erica and Mariah that I was going to leave and they were both pretty drunk so they gave me all kinds of drunk love talk.
Mariah: “You are looking sexy as shit!”
Erica: “Yeah girl, you are so fucking hot!”
Mariah: “You are getting more comfortable with your body and you are so sexy when you dance like that. But only in your element. That is when you are confident. I noticed when you aren’t in your element, you tend to shrink and I don’t like that.”
Erica: “Yeah girl, you are so sexy.”
Mariah (to Erica): “We (meaning her and I) always have this weird connection where we just look at each other and know what we are thinking. We have this weird connection.”
Erica (to Mariah): “Yeah we (meaning her and I) have a crazy connection too! We have a humor connection.”
I’m standing there, smiling and laughing and distinctly aware that they have drawn attention to me and one of the DJ’s who was standing nearby was watching us and listening.
I was hugging Erica while she declared how much she loved me when he asked if we were leaving.
I told him no, that they were staying and I was the only one leaving.
Erica took this opportunity to tell him “Isn’t my friend fucking hot?”
Then she continued, “She’s so hot that if I swung the other way, I’d totally be into her and tell her ‘hey, lets try this out.'”
Then again to the DJ guy, “You should ask for her number. Isn’t she pretty?”
DJ guy: “Yes, gorgeous.”
Erica: “You should go for it. She doesn’t have a man, I wouldn’t tell you to go for it if she did. Isn’t she hot?”
DJ guy (looking at me): “Beautiful”
About this time another older gentleman comes over to investigate the commotion and to check me out.
I smile and laugh, slightly embarrassed and insist that I need to leave.
The DJ guy asked for a hug.
I walk away with Erica screaming after me “I love you girl! I want you to say it back!”
I shout back “I love you too!”
That was my Friday night.
There is a reason why I shared all of this.
I have several thoughts about the evening.
First, the element thing that Mariah mentioned, I know what she’s talking about.
When I am comfortable and don’t give a fuck, I am uninhibited and that’s probably attractive.
But when I allow insecurity or I over-think, I shrink back and disappear so that I become invisible.
So basically, I need to try to work on being more consistently confident in myself.
It’s a work in progress.
I’ve only started becoming comfortable in my own skin.
Secondly, I don’t want to be anyone’s second choice.
Let me explain.
Around Mariah, it’s easy to disappear because most of the guys focus on her.
But I want a guy that sees me, that wants me first, even when I’m standing right next to her.
Most of the guys realize that she’s way out of their league and then start to look for someone more “attainable”.
It just so happened that at that party, I was the second best option.
So when these guys who didn’t seem to notice me all night suddenly notice me, it’s like, “no, fuck you”.
My gauge of whether a guy is really into me will be if I can take him around Mariah and all he still sees is me.
I love my crazy friends, even when they unintentionally draw uncomfortable attention to me.