Mental health and onions

I took a mental health day today.

Rough night, you could say, and not in a good way.

I really have to stop emotionally torturing myself.

Seriously Samantha, haven’t you fucking had enough?

I had every intention of going to work.

I woke up at an ungodly hour to shower and then changed into my work clothes.

But then it hit me.

I was not okay.

And I didn’t trust myself not to lose it in the middle of the day.

So I called out.

I went back to sleep and took Valentine with me.

I rarely sleep with him anymore because 1. He sheds so much fur and it gets all over my clothes and 2. He’s a massive bed hog, always all up in my business, and doesn’t let me move.

But I needed his warm little body next to me for comfort.

We slept for a while (he snored) and then my phone and email blew up.

Probably a good thing since I really needed to talk to people without really “talking” to people.

Having friends to talk to is nice.

This is a luxury I haven’t always had.

Venting and processing felt good.

My mom even texted me out of the blue.

I swear she has this special “mommy-sense” and can tell whenever I’m feeling exceptionally bad.

She just sent an encouraging message.

Even though I have a hard time trusting my family for support, it still feels good to know they are there.

I didn’t get out of bed and out of my pajamas until about 3 pm.

Grief is like an onion.

There are lots of layers and it makes you cry.

I fucking hate onions.

I think I peeled through another layer of grief yesterday night.

Right when I think, okay that’s it, I’ve processed all I need to, I hit a deeper level of awareness and pain.

It hurts like a fucker every time.

When am I going to hit the fucking core of the fucking onion and be done with it?

This is bullshit.

Anthony says it takes about 2 years after a divorce to “get over it”.

What about a divorce and a broken heart from a separate relationship?

Should I, like, add a year?

So in roughly 3 years I should be healed and whole?

Nice.

In the meantime, I’ll be peeling away at this fucking son of a bitch onion and wondering why I can’t just dice the fucker already.

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

4 responses to “Mental health and onions

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