I’m in a good place.
I feel it in my bones.
My spark is back.
The urge to sleep time away disappeared a few days ago.
I now look forward to all of my free time.
I still have moments of rapid cycling emotions.
I go through missing and reminiscing, briefly sadness, but then I get back to where I need to be.
Here and now.
It’s a process, but I no longer feel stuck in it.
I’ve been praying more.
I feel like it’s been helping.
I have also come out of my isolation phase and have talked to some friends about what’s been going on.
I have some amazing people in my life.
Suddenly I’m not dreading the next 3 months.
I was looking at my calendar today and thought, “It’s going to go by so fast.”
And then I got the sensation of relief, like, “I got this.”
My life isn’t looking so empty.
I have things to do, fun to be had.
There is a co-worker’s wedding coming up and I have this dress that I’m so excited to wear.
Sounds silly, but it’s true.
I bought it on a whim back in April just because I fell in love with it.
I had no idea where I would wear it to.
I never went to prom or anything like that when I was young and I rarely go to weddings.
So this gives me an excuse to wear my fancy dress.
Maybe I’ll share a picture with you all when I do.
I will also be attending parties and hanging out with friends.
Going to Disneyland with my nephew for his first visit there.
Halloween, my favorite holiday, is coming up.
I don’t have any plans yet, but I hope to find something to do.
I don’t want to be alone that night.
I bought this awesome black, faux leather corset, just because I liked it back in summer and it actually makes a good costume piece to be a vampire.
But a lot of my regular wardrobe could easily be used as a costume piece for a vampire.
Anyway, what I’m saying is, I want to dress up and have fun that day and I’m going to see to it that I do.
As much as is in my control to, anyway.
The point of sharing all of this is, I am actually looking forward to these things, whereas as little as a week ago, I really could have cared less.
So yeah, I’m still healing and a little wobbly, but with each day I feel myself getting better and better.
Breathing feels so good.