Maybe I got this

Ewok(An example of stupid shit Erica sends me that I find ridiculously funny.)

I rejoined the world today.

I crawled out of my cave and broke my 6 week self-imposed isolation.

Okay, it wasn’t ever really actual isolation.

I mean, I had to work and I work with people, so…there’s that.

But I mean social isolation.

Like doing stuff outside of work with other people.

Meaning friends.

Today I spent the day with Erica and her family.

She has a husband and two kids.

Her kids are great.

They call me Ms. Samantha and love having my attention.

Her son is 10 and looks just like the little boy scout in the Pixar cartoon Up.

Exactly. No exaggeration.

He’s a sweetie.

Her daughter is 4 years old and has sass for days.

Highlights of things she said during the day:

“I sharted!” (shit+farted = sharted) And no, she actually did not. She just likes to say it.

“Oh, you just got owned!” To her dad after her mom told him to do something.

And my personal favorite:

“I fart like a beast!” Because, why not.

She is awesome.

We went to a BBQ and then a drive in movie, my first time going to one. I enjoyed it.

Watched Inside Out and Ant Man.

Okay, so Ant Man…

My friend Anthony aka Mr. Perfect has been telling me for weeks to watch it because it’s so great.

He has a man crush on Paul Rudd and just fell in love with the movie despite not wanting to see it at first.

My review: it was okay, cute even. But I didn’t think it was as awesome as he has raved about.

What I did get from it was a deeper affection for Anthony.

Because I understand why he likes it so much.

In some ways Paul Rudd’s character reminds me of him.

A really great, laid back guy who’s been broken down from doing the wrong things for the right reasons and loves his kids more than anything.

So in a way, my soft spot for Anthony just got softer.

But there’s no way I would tell him that. He would milk that shit for years.

I spend Saturday taking care of myself.

I slept half of the day (still  struggling with that) and then journaled (yes, I actually do keep some things to myself) and prayed.

I also cleaned my apartment and groomed myself.

Okay, so because I’ve been depressed, I haven’t been taking care of myself as diligently as I usually do.

I mean, others probably haven’t noticed, but I have.

My hair has been looking grubby.

I have premature white hair, a lot of it (thank you to my mother’s genes. Not grey hair, mind you, I’m talking shiny, brilliant, snow-white hair. This will look great when I’m 70, but no way in hell will I let this happen at 33.)

Those roots have been showing and I haven’t given a fuck.

Then the blue streak in my hair had faded into a sea green. Not cute.

Luckily vanity intervened and I finally took care of it.

My hair is once again black and blue as nature intended.

Somehow spending Saturday doing exactly what felt good, be it sleep or pray or dye my hair, made me feel ready to be with people and actually enjoy it.

Today was a good day.

I got a little bit of anxiety while watching the movies because I started remembering Mr. Nerd and missing him, but then I did this breathing exercise that Anthony told me about where you focus on taking a deep breath through your nose for 4 seconds and then exhale for 4 seconds through your mouth and repeat it for several minutes. It actually works.

After that I was okay and while driving home I even sang (shouted) along to Young the Giant blasting in my little truck.

It’s days like this where I feel like this whole heartbroken business hasn’t taken the best of me.

Like maybe I will be okay.

Maybe even, that I got this.

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

6 responses to “Maybe I got this

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