Melancholia

Melancholia is a long and slow-paced movie.

But it depicts major depression so painfully that it’s hard not to stop once you’ve started watching it.

From what I understand, the director suffers from depression.

If you have seen the movie, it’s obvious only someone who has experienced this debilitating disease could have made it.

The scenes in the beginning of the movie are absolutely breathtaking.

I fell in love with them instantly.

I feel the way the picture I posted is.

Kristen Dunst’s character in a wedding dress with the ground latching onto her, like quick sand with tentacles.

I feel stuck.

I’m moving, but each step is excruciatingly difficult, requiring all of my energy.

I put one foot in front of the other, ever so slowly.

I used to be obsessed with time.

I was convinced that I never had enough of it.

Always having more to do than I could finish in a day.

It would stress me out.

Now, I spend my days killing time.

Rushing home to sleep because that’s the fastest way to make it disappear.

My world, which once felt so crowded and suffocating, now feels small and empty.

There’s a great many things I could do with my time, I just can’t get myself to care right now.

I feel deeply sad.

Do you realize how difficult it is to admit that?

To say that without tying a pretty bow of a silver lining around it?

It makes people uncomfortable.

It needs to be fixed, it needs to get better, it needs to be stuffed away.

I should do something about it right this moment.

Fight it off, don’t let it fester.

But that’s not what I need.

I just need to feel sad and not apologize for it.

I need to express it without making it comfortable for everyone else.

I need to float until I feel strong enough to swim.

Wait it out until I’m good and ready to return with a vengeance.

I’m not there yet.

I still have some sadness to work through.

But when I’m done, you’ll know.

Oh boy, will you know.

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

7 responses to “Melancholia

  • Tony Single

    It is an amazing film. I felt strangely vindicated after watching it. I thought, “Someone GETS it.” I recommend those who don’t understand depression watch this.

  • smellingmint

    I so hear what you say about time. I am always in a rush – I feel it slipping by. But when we look back we realise a year or two is nothing. I spent two years unable to find the energy to be bothered to pick the piece of paper up which had lodged under the chair opposite post my marriage breakdown. It was a kind of numbness. But somehow I knew that this was like being in a chrysalis. That I would emerge brighter and more than before. It happened but it took a while- perhaps because I also had a toddler to care for at the time and so because my ex was severely depressed and constantly brought it to my door. You are dealing with all this in a profoundly thoughtful way and I am sure you are in your chrysalis phase too .

    • samlobos

      Thank you. I know what you mean about this being a sort of incubation period. I had a training at work a few weeks ago and the speaker said that when cats are injured, they sleep most of the time until they heal. I think that’s what I’m doing. Sleeping as much as I can until I heal.

      • smellingmint

        How interesting … Yes sleep helps. And expressing it. I got very sick during that period – lots of throat infections and I’m convinced it was unexpressed emotion. That’s why I talk to every bugger and try to tell the truth about what I’m feeling though sometimes I am so unaware myself. Going to do some hypnotherapy on weds will probably cry and cry!!!

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