I am flirty as fuck.
Maybe you got that vibe from my writings, maybe you didn’t. But I’m officially confirming it.
Yes, I am a flirty motherfucker.
What’s funny is, I don’t always know I’m flirting. Nor do I always flirt because I find someone attractive.
It’s just sorta part of who I am.
But it has gotten me into big trouble regardless. My latest heartbreak being the most epic example.
Most of my flirting is with people I am comfortable with and usually as a source of deep affection, not necessarily of the romantic type. If I like you as a person and I have developed a fondness for you, I will most likely flirt, regardless if you are a man or woman. Usually it looks like a sarcastic remark, comment or compliment with a pet name. Sweetie, love, boo, baby, honey, etc. Whatever I feel fits.
So when Mr. Nerd started flirting with me, I thought nothing of it. I flirted back. I have married friends that are flirty and it’s just how it is. Doesn’t mean anything. All in good fun. I knew he was married and in my eyes, he was absolutely not an option, whatsoever. I thought he was attractive, but that was it. I never thought of him outside the box of friendship. He’s also a shameless flirt in general, so needless to say, we had a supernova of a flirtatious relationship.
So I’m going along, minding my own business, being a naïve 15 year old who can write erotica and I decide to pull an adult move and check in with him. He seemed like he was going through a tough time. At this point, I had no idea that he had already developed a little crush on me. He responded appropriately at first and then somewhere along the way he shared something very personal with me. Since I am a therapist, I’m used to hearing all sorts of secrets so I rolled with it. Looking back at the emails, at how supportive, understanding, and affectionate I was, shit, I would have fallen in love with me too! Damn it! I screwed myself over!
So I’m being this very loving and supportive friend and the flirting creeps in. But I was using it in a friendly, I care about you, joking way. I guess I didn’t realize that it could be interpreted as something else. Like I meant it to mean more. And in all honesty, I really didn’t think he would run with it. Because he’s married. And that means something. But then he kinda took it to the next level and being the stupid, teenage girl that I really am, I just followed right along until… oh fuck, what just happened!
That doesn’t explain why I fell in love with him. Maybe the flirting was a symptom, an unconscious manifestation of this magnetic pull between us. I sorta feel like I was tricked, though. Stupid destiny, you twisted, sneaky fucker!
So since then, I have been extra careful to put a lid on it. Even so, I’m described as both coy and aloof, while the teenage boys I work with think I’m flirty. It must be my laugh or voice or the fact that I get teenage boy humor. And I sometimes get weird looks from women, even if I’m not saying or doing anything. Whatever. I can’t fucking win unless I kill my personality.
Young children are natural flirts. Especially toddlers. I love interacting with them because that’s when I can be fully uninhibited. They don’t get the wrong idea. They don’t get jealous or uncomfortable. They get it. They flirt back. It’s a way of communicating before you are told that there’s something wrong with it. That it’s not okay to be that comfortable with others. That there are social boundaries that you must abide by or it will bite you in the ass. That you will be seen as being a certain “type” of person (especially if you are a woman) for interacting in that manner too freely and it’s not in a positive way.
I am rambling. Okay, closing thoughts, I am flirty, but not in a steal your significant other intentionally way. And I’m sorry if I ever make you uncomfortable simply by my presence.
I’m not sorry.
About any of it.
Go about your business.