37th*

Happy birthday.

I hope you have wishes that come true.

I pray for you to have all the love and happiness in the world.

I really do.

I love you.

It’s true, regardless of what you believe.

I just loved myself more.

I know I hurt you.

I didn’t mean to.

I was figuring it out as I went along.

Stumbling onto these insights, fumbling with the emotions unearthed from deep within.

I know it was confusing.

I was confused too.

One day I wanted to work on it, other days I could hardly look at you because it was so painful.

I tried.

I know you think I gave up, that I ran away.

You couldn’t see how hard I was trying.

Or for how long.

I gave you my all.

I broke myself trying to keep us together.

I’m sorry it hurt.

That I shattered your heart.

But I loved you too.

I loved you enough to let you go, to give you the opportunity to find someone who would be in love with you.

Like I used to be.

Someone not restless or growing at too fast a pace.

Someone more perfect for you than me.

Someone who would not enable you.

But yes, I did learn to love me more.

I’m sorry it came to that.

Maybe someday you’ll forgive me.

Maybe you’ll even understand.

I hope you are content when that happens.

I hope you gain the life you’ve always wanted, free of insecurity and fear.

And most of all, I hope you learn to love you more.

*For her

Advertisements

About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: