I am starting to become okay with other people’s happy again.
It’s been painful to see couples.
To see them together and smiling.
To see them touching.
To hear, read, or watch love stories.
This is salt to a wounded heart.
Not that I’ve wanted anyone to be miserable.
On the contrary, I glad for them.
It’s just been hard to be around.
Because I don’t currently have that.
It was taken from me.
I’m grieving another loss.
I feel like this has been a year of mourning for me, a time of different types of loss, different types of heartache.
As I cycle through the stages of grief for the third time within a little over a year, I find myself slowly entering into the acceptance stage.
There is some calm in this stage, but still pain and still sadness.
Still the gravity of the loss.
But there is also a numbness that comes along with it.
This is a welcome side effect.
It’s something that just happens one day.
You can’t force it sooner than that.
This natural pain reliever appears from nowhere and is received in increments.
This is my current comfort.
Those moments of acceptance and calm.
But especially the numb.
Because numb is freeing.
Numb helps you escape.
My black sky is fading to grey.
This gives me hope.
Grey is one step closer to blue.