I sit isolated, enjoying the silence.
Finally, alone with my thoughts.
But my mind is consumed with thoughts of him.
Of missing him and wanting him.
Everyday, the same thoughts.
Thoughts that simultaneously please and hurt me.
Yet, I sit in this pain, willing to endure it.
Just for a moment, if only to enjoy a part of him again.
This is what has become of me.
Subjecting myself to torture, willingly, because the memories soothe the ache as much as they exacerbate it.
He is not deserving of my thoughts.
I am aware.
My heart doesn’t seem to care.
However, my mind is growing stronger each day.
Soon it will override my heart and my thoughts will be my own again.
No longer subjected to a constant pain.
But my heart, it stays with him.
Stupid, stubborn heart.