He hides parts of himself away, so that no one can see.
It’s a shame.
Because he’s beautiful.
He doesn’t think so.
He sees mistakes made, reckless risks taken, blood shed, a subdued life.
I just see him.
I see his flaws.
He has a temper.
He’s not as self-aware as he believes himself to be.
He likes to intellectualize things, which probably drives others crazy.
He tends to holds things in, compartmentalizing and festering in silence.
He underestimates himself, his ability to persevere, his internal strength.
He deflects, a great deal.
He’s good at it.
Except I can tell when he’s doing it.
I don’t think even he knows what I see, what I know of him.
I also see his beauty.
He feels, deeply and intensely.
He gives, he gives a lot and doesn’t think to ask to be given back to.
He is hopeful, even when hope is hard to come by.
He imagines, his imagination is a wonder to behold.
He searches, he searches for purpose and meaning, even in the dark.
He is loyal, even when he fumbles and goes astray, he is still there.
He’s insightful, insightful in ways that surprise me.
He does the little things in life, the ones that are really the big things when you are on the receiving end of them.
He’s affectionate in all the ways that matter.
This he tries to hide the most.
Because he doesn’t believe he is.
But it flows out of him, easily with me.
It shows in his eyes, his expression, his words.
In the fierce way he is protective of me and others he cares about.
In how he concerns himself with ways to make things better, to make them easier somehow, even though he can’t.
This is also how he loves.
He doesn’t understand what I see in him.
Because to everyone else, he is who he presents himself to be.
They know his history, his past behavior.
His recent mistakes, the things he’s said and done while stumbling along life.
I just know him for who he is now.
For what he shows me and what he doesn’t know he shows.
I know him because somehow we are connected, deeper than bodies or words can connect us.
So when I’m asked, what it is about him, I tell the truth when I say it’s all of him.
Because that’s what I see.
That’s what I love.
Who he is.