Today I went back to court to file the final papers for my divorce.
Now it’s just a waiting game.
I had lots of time to reflect on my journey, this decision I made that’s coming to a close.
I ask myself if I gave up too soon, if I should have stuck it out longer.
If anything would have changed.
But the more I think about it, the more certain I am that I made the right choice.
Even in light of my recent fumblings and heartache, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I wasn’t happy anymore.
And although I still loved her, when I said it, I no longer meant it the way she took it.
My heart was absent.
And she deserved my whole heart.
She deserved someone who was unconditionally in love with her.
I was no longer that person.
I deserved different things.
I deserved to be seen, to be appreciated.
I deserved to grow and feel free to do so without judgement.
I deserved to explore, to flourish, to put myself first.
It’s almost done, this marriage of mine.
In a couple more months it will be official.
But if I’m completely honest with myself, it was already done long before I filed for divorce.