I hate goodbyes.
Especially forever goodbyes.
I always have a hard time closing the door completely, probably in hopes that somehow fate will keep us connected in some cosmic way.
I linger in the doorway, always making sure it is cracked open just enough for someone to push back through it in the future.
There is no feeling quite like the heaviness of ending a relationship.
I find such moments bitter sweetly melancholic.
The sweet comes from knowing that there had to be an ending, whether you wanted one or not.
Maybe there is even a sense of relief, relief from the limbo, the indecision, the looming tension of unknowing.
The bitter also comes from knowing there had to be an ending, whether you wanted one or not.
Knowing that this person, once so significant to you, is one day going to be a memory, a stranger, a whisper of a former life you once shared with them.
Knowing that in the future, they will not exist in your world anymore.
Because with time, everything starts to fade.
The good memories with the bad.
The sense of loss.
And this is where I am at.
I am slowly losing the good along with the bad.
I am forgetting the weight of her presence in my world.
And I am sad, sad to lose the beauty she once brought to my life.
Sad that I am forgetting her, she who was my whole world until she wasn’t.
But I feel relieved, liberated, younger without having to carry those memories so deeply in my heart.
As they fade, the heaviness on my shoulders lightens.
My heart beats harder, my words flow quicker.
I feel like I have been reincarnated into a fuller version of myself.
A fresh, new person with endless possibilities.
Today I officially filed for divorce.
It stopped my heart and then resuscitated it.
The door has been closed.
And there is no propping it open.