Working through the pain

I am in pain

It’s a different type of pain than I’m used to

This pain is one of grief, of loss

This pain doesn’t go away

This pain cannot be ignored

It has to be felt

To be worked through

I am trying to work through it

To take one day at a time

One moment at a time

Working on how I manage it

Feeling it but not drowning in it

Trying not to let it debilitate me

To not let it define me

Not to let it eclipse the colors of everyday life

Because grief can do that

Grief can suck the flavor out of the most exquisite meal

It can isolate, shut down, repress, lash out

It can shrink your world to nothing

So I’m trying to manage it in little doses

Feel it, really feel it for a little bit, then move on with my day

Sometimes it’s so incredibly hard to do

It can be overwhelming

But I give myself permission to feel what I feel, then I force myself to move on

To do something I like, something I want to do

No matter how trivial

Something that matters to me

Because one thing grief has taught me is that life is too fleeting, too precious to waste on things that don’t matter

On have to’s and should’s

This pain will eventually fade

I know that

But it will always be around

And so I work through it because it is now a part of me

A part I must own in order to heal

About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: