Worth Saving

I don’t want to be healthy anymore.

I want to be numb.

The pain is too much, too real, too strong.

I stand emotionally naked, with nothing to protect me from the harsh reality

that I just lost everything.

Everything I worked so hard for, everything I’ve known, everything I’ve placed my hopes in,

is gone.

I relinquished my rights and now I have nothing

I didn’t know how high a price I would have to pay to survive on my own

So as the tears on my cheeks fall

I contemplate giving up, giving in

Turning off my emotions, like an internal switch

Numb the pain so I don’t care anymore

Become a shell so that I don’t get hurt

Fall into the darkness

I reconcile with this decision and I am ready to let go

I stop flailing my arms, take a deep breath and drown

The tears on my cheeks dry as I sink slowly into the black abyss

I can feel my body shutting down and I feel a calm float over me that apathy can only bring

I will become that girl again

Then I hear it

A loud voice in my head

It says

“You are the one worth saving”

My eyes widen as those words sink in, the meaning infusing energy into my body

I start to swim up and break through the void, gasping for air

I realize that this is my voice

The voice I have been working on all these years

The strong part of myself, the fighter, the part with purpose

I have been grooming it, feeding it, trying to make it powerful and determined

And now it is finally stronger than the darkness

So I dust myself off, cover myself with my remaining dignity and decide

that my happiness is worth securing

My life is worth living

That I am worth saving

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

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