Regret is bittersweet

Regret is such a strong word

I don’t believe I regret my decision

But I do feel the pain of having lost a part of my life, a part of myself

I’ve lost so much it hurts me to my core

But I’ve gained too

Deep down I know I did what I needed to do

I was drowning and I got used to holding my breath

but as long as I could see her, touch her, I felt like it was okay

Like that’s how life was meant to be, or rather, how it was going to be for me forever

And then I got a taste of fresh air

Of what it would be like to breathe easy, to not have to hold my breath

And it felt so good

but I knew I would have to leave her, leave her underwater

So that I could learn to live on the shore

I tried to pull her up, to breathe for her, to make her swim

but I couldn’t do it

I couldn’t supply enough oxygen for the both of us

And she wouldn’t swim with me because she refused to believe that we were suffocating

so I had two choices

I could stay underwater holding my breath, knowing that I belonged on the shore but stuffing that need down, and continue to slowly drown with her

Or I could decide to save myself and swim to shore, alone

I chose to survive

To become the me I was meant to be, to shine, to breathe easy

It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my entire life

So I have gained and I have lost

It hurts and it feels good at the same time

The bittersweet pain

The bittersweet relief

The bittersweet regret


About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

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